


you say we're just friends, but friends don't know the way you taste

by doctoorwho



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Human!13, Hurt/Comfort, Phone Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, Strap-Ons, friends with benefits!au, gym!AU, personal trainer!yaz, thasmin!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:48:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29086359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctoorwho/pseuds/doctoorwho
Summary: It was only ever meant to be a one-night stand, until the universe decided it had other plans when it brought Charlie Smith into her life. Not looking for a relationship however, Charlie and Yasmin Khan decide to become friends... with benefits. After all, how hard could it be, right?
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 105
Kudos: 116





	1. friends with benefits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaahhh incredibly nervous about posting this but here it is!! 
> 
> i've been falling more and more in love with these characters and wanted to share their journey with you all !
> 
> still don't know how many chapters this will be, but i have written a bit of the fic and know where they are going so you can expect regular weekly updates.
> 
> also, this is the first time i've written any sort of smut so if it's not good i'm so sorry, you can just skip those bits (not every chapter is gonna have smut tho so don't worry)
> 
> finally, a big massive thank you to my awesome beta hannah (yasminkhvn on twt), for reading this before hand and correcting my spelling mistakes as well as for the support xx 
> 
> thank you for reading if you do, and enjoy :))

Yaz didn’t even know the name of this woman, and yet she had brought her home after one too many drinks and here they were in her bed. The woman’s head between her thighs, her tongue working expertly against her most sensitive bud, her fingers pumping rapidly inside her.

This woman’s technique was something Yaz had never experienced. Her head was tilted back against the pillows, her eyes closed shut, one hand holding tightly to blonde locks keeping the other woman in place, while the other hand was holding the sheets, knuckles white from gripping them so tightly due to the amount of adrenaline and pleasure rushing through her.

A couple of minutes later Yaz came (for what seemed like the hundredth time since they had started going at it two hours previously). The blonde woman between her thighs kept her movements, riding Yaz through her orgasm and prolonging it as much as she could.

Not slowing down however, Yaz could feel another orgasm already building inside her. And so, a minute later, she came once again, the grip on the blonde’s hair increasing. Yaz had to push the other woman away when she didn’t seem to wanna stop.

When she pulled out her fingers and wiped them on the sheets, she slumped down next to Yaz, who was looking at her with the most curious look.

“You’re really good at that you know?” Yaz found herself saying, a compliment she didn’t usually give her one-night stands, but for some reason she felt like this woman needed the praise. Very possibly the best shag Yaz had gotten recently.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” The blonde woman grinned at her, cheeks coming to a pink shade. 

Yaz looked over at her phone, checking the time. It wasn’t as late as she thought it was, even though she had to get up early for work in a few hours. Surprisingly she wasn’t feeling that tired, and for some reason she didn’t want to say goodbye to this mysterious woman just yet.

Facing her once again, Yaz propped herself up on one elbow, hovering the blonde.

“You know… it’s not that late.”

She started kissing her, first on the lips, then on her jaw, all the while her hand was rooming further and further down. From her chest, to her stomach, until it finally reached its destination. Finding her as wet as before.

“We could always-“

“Yes, please.”. The blonde interrupted, clearly as still in the moment as Yaz was and eager to get much (much) more.

Without needing to be told twice, Yaz slipped two fingers inside the blonde with ease, finding her clit with her thumb and attached her lips to the pulse on her neck.

///

The next morning (actually only a couple of hours later), Yaz woke up in her bed alone. She couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. For some reason and unlike any other person she’d slept with before, the blonde woman’s company and warmth next to her had proven to be quite relaxing and somehow… different.

She pushed the thought away.

The chance of them ever seeing each other again was almost none, especially when they didn’t even know each other’s names.

Yet, her mind kept drifting back to the previous hours, everything they’ve done to each other. She kept thinking about the other woman’s tongue, her smart fingers pumping inside her, her hands rooming all over her…

Yaz felt suddenly hot, a burning feeling in her gut wanting nothing but to be released. But Yaz knew she shouldn’t. It was just one-night stand, it meant nothing.

Rolling over to check her phone, she noticed a piece of paper on top of it. The blonde had left a note.

_Last night was incredible. I hope you feel the same way. Sorry I had to leave early, I had an appointment and couldn’t be late._

_I still don’t know your name, but if you ever wanna repeat last night or just grab a bite and get to know each other, please call me._

_x_

On the back of the note was a phone number.

Subconsciously, Yaz found herself smiling at the knowledge the other woman had not only enjoyed herself as much as Yaz last night, but she wanted to do it all over again and get to know her. Not to mention the little kiss in the end, that she couldn’t help finding adorable.

Just like that, the burning sensation was back. Checking the time, she realised if she didn’t get ready soon, she would be late for work. So, without wasting another second, she got up and headed straight for the shower, accepting that a cold one this morning was her best option.

///

Yaz was a personal trainer and fitness instructor at a local Sheffield gym called _The Blue Box Health and Fitness Centre_.

She had started working there a couple of years ago right after university, it also being the place where she had done her internship and the owner was so impressed by her work ethic and dedication that he had offered her a full time position, that she just couldn’t refuse.

It was 6:45am when Yaz walked through the doors, still having roughly five minutes before she had to go up and prepare the studio for the 7am spinning class she was giving.

_“Enough time for a coffee”_ she thought. Entering the staff kitchen, she was immediately greeted by the owner.

“Morning Yasmin. Had a good time last night?”

Typical Jack, he could always read straight through her without her having to say a word.

“Don’t know what you mean.” She said with the cheekiest smile, but she knew it was useless. He’d seen her leave with the blonde.

“She looked pretty, from the back at least. Couldn’t really get a look at her face.”

Yaz poured coffee into the mug, filling it nearly to the top.

“Wow, that good huh?”

Yaz knew it wasn’t worth fighting him, otherwise he would never shut up about it.

“Yes, it was… very good.”

She drank her coffee in nearly one go, depositing the mug in the sink.

“Go Yasmin!”

She rolled her eyes at him, grabbing her water bottle from the fridge.

“I have a spinning class, I’m gonna go and set things up.”

As she was making an exit, Jack called out to her.

“Oh! By the way, there’s a new client for your class today. Woman, mid-twenties. She says she does a lot of running but wants to try something a bit different, so I recommended your class.”

Yaz frowned at him. Not because he had recommended her, she was incredibly grateful for that. But because her 7am class was usually full and getting an extra spot, especially last minute, was difficult.

Recognizing the worried expression on her face, Jack corrected himself.

“Don’t worry. I was moving some things around this morning and managed to get enough space for a couple of extra bikes, so you’re getting two extra clients now.”

Yaz sighed in relief.

“Does the new client have a name?”

Jack looked over to his computer, searching through the names of the most recent memberships.

“Charlie Smith. No picture though, but she’s the only new client so you can’t miss her.”

Yaz nodded and left the kitchen, promising Jack she would meet him up for lunch later.

///

Ten minutes later, music filling the room, her own bike all set up to her own height and adjustments, water bottle and towel in place. She was ready for yet another class.

The bike studio was one of the most spacious in the whole gym, though it still wasn’t big enough for the amount of clients Yaz had managed to capture since her internship, meaning she was required to double her classes by popular demand. Which she didn’t mind at all.

In the room there were a total amount of 32 bikes (already counting the extra two Jack had arranged earlier), every wall was covered in a long length mirror as it was costume in gyms, the ceiling was covered in fairy lights (Yaz’s own personal touch), and there was also a disco ball in the middle for special events and classes that required a more festive sort of light.

Yaz’s bike was set on a stage, a strategic point so she could have better view of each and every person in front of her as well so everyone could see her clearly and her instructions (since some of her clients had hearing problems and so physical demonstration was a key point in making sure everyone was following the class with no problems). 

She glanced to the studio window and saw that her usual clients were already at the door waiting and chatting away vividly to each other. Yaz always admired how much energy these people had at 7 in the morning, considering a lot of them came here on purpose to take this class before heading off to their own jobs.

She felt a sort of responsibility towards them all, to give them the best start to their day possible and making them grateful they left their bed earlier for her class only. Yaz was not a morning person by nature, but always seeing her clients in such a good mood and so eager to see her in such early hours, definitely helped in making her mood a whole lot better and made her grateful she agreed to give a class so early in the day.

It was one of her favourite things about her job.

Giving herself one final check on her appearance, she opened the studio door and greeted each person individually while they went into the studio to their usual bikes. It was a routine already. Yaz would greet them with a high-five, ask them how they were doing and wish them a good time.

She was finishing greeting her final regular client when she saw her.

Standing a little in the distance, looking at her phone distracted, was the woman with whom Yaz had shared her bed (and more) the night before. And it was also her new client and addition to her class, Charlie Smith.

Taking a deep breath, Yaz took a few slow steps to get closer to the other woman. When she didn’t seem to notice her, Yaz called out to her.

“Hi!”

The blonde looked up then, eyes widening more and more when she realised who was standing in front of her.

“Oh, h… hi!” She stuttered, locking her phone and putting it into her hoodie pocket. She swallowed audibly.

“Didn’t know you went to this gym, I promise! I just signed up, been told this was one of the best classes for cardio. Love cardio, me. Always running. My best friend says I have the energy of a toddler, which to be honest I like to take as a compliment. But I thought of trying something different you know, and I was told the instructor is proper fit…” Her eyes shot up looking at Yaz, cheeks going red. “Not that that’s important of course, I’m not taking this class just cause the instructor is fit, I haven’t even seen them to be honest! And now I’ve been talking for quite a long time and should probably shut up.” She scrunched her face. “Sorry.”

Yaz couldn’t help but laugh. The person standing in front of her was so different from the one she had met the night before. The one from before was all confidence and flirting, and this one was all awkward and adorable.

Yaz liked it (a lot). And suddenly the sensation from this morning settled in her core once again.

“The instructor… you know her name?” Yaz asked.

“Yeah, they said it was Yasmin Khan. Lovely name if I’m being honest. Can’t wait to meet her.”

Yaz felt her cheeks growing a little hot. The compliment about her name might have had something to do with it, though Yaz would never admit it.

“Wanna go inside then? It’s probably gonna start soon and you don’t wanna be late for your first class.”

“Yes, definitely! I’m proper excited!”

Charlie smiled widely at her, making Yaz’s heart melt a little.

Charlie settled in one of the free bikes, in front of the stage and in the left corner of the front row. She was sitting down on the bike seat, realising she couldn’t reach the pedals with her feet, when Yaz came over to her once again.

“You need to adjust the bike. Here, I’ll show you.”

After teaching Charlie how to adjust the bike to her own stature, Yaz was suddenly feeling very hot. And the class hadn’t even started yet. 

Finally reaching the pedals with her feet and feeling a lot more comfortable, Charlie smiled at her.

“Thanks! This is ace! I’m Charlie, by the way, Charlie Smith. I don’t think I’ve mentioned.”

Yaz smiled.

“No, you haven’t. It’s nice to properly meet you Charlie.”

Checking the time on her watch, Yaz noticed it was 7am on the dot. It was time to start. She turned around to go on stage before Charlie called out to her again.

“Wait, what’s your name?”

“It’s Yasmin Khan.”

Yaz gave her wink before going up on stage. Taking her jacket off and putting a microphone on, she settled herself on her bike and turned the music up.

“Good morning everyone! Are we all ready to start?”

There was a loud cheer from the whole room and Yaz looked over at Charlie who was still looking at her with her mouth open in surprise, until she finally smiled and cheered with everyone else in the room.

///

An hour later, the class had ended and Yaz was chatting away happily with a couple of people at the studio door. She looked around the room to see Charlie still seated in her bike. Yaz frowned. 

She bid her goodbyes to the two people and headed over to Charlie.

“You like the class so much you wanna stay for the next one?”

Yaz laughed, but Charlie was still looking down to her knees not lifting her head.

“Hey, Charlie… You alright?”

She reached out, placing a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. Charlie looked up, an apologetic and embarrassed look in her face, her cheeks red (whether that was from the intensity of the class or something else, Yaz couldn’t tell).

“I’m stuck.”

She said gesturing down to her foot. Yaz followed the movement and that’s when she realised: Charlie’s foot was stuck on the pedal, the strap was probably too tight.

Yaz couldn’t help but laugh, which luckily seemed to make Charlie relax a little.

“That’s okay. It happens, believe me.”

Yaz reached down and unstrapped Charlie’s foot, who immediately got off the bike with a relieved sigh.

“That ever happened to you then?”

“Yeah, when I was an intern here. And, when I was on stage just starting to teach.”

Both women laughed.

“You enjoyed the class then?”

Yaz asked attentively. It was her job to make sure clients were satisfied with her classes, it was a normal question, one she would usually ask any other client and whose answer had the exact same amount of value. That’s what she was telling herself anyway.

“Yeah, it was alright.”

Charlie said dismissively with a shrug of her shoulders and Yaz’s heart deflated a little. _Alright_ , was not _good_ , was not _amazing._ For some reason Yaz couldn’t really understand, Charlie’s opinion about her class mattered a little bit more than usual.

“Oh…”

Probably noticing Yaz’s slight disappointment, Charlie immediately corrected herself.

“Yasmin, I’m kidding! It were really good. Incredible, actually! Definitely gonna do that again!”

Yaz looked at her again, and there they were. Those hazel green eyes staring right back to her, a wide smile plastered on her face. And suddenly those eyes were looking Yaz up and down. She felt exposed, but not uncomfortable. After all, Charlie had already seen much more than just her exposed arms.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.” She said, trying to sound like she wasn’t bothered by the previous statement. “And you should definitely come back, just make sure to reserve your spot early.”

Charlie nodded. Looking at her phone, she scrunched her face.

“Probably should get going. Still need a shower and I need to get to work. But this was lovely, thank you Yasmin.”

When Charlie was nearly at the door of the studio, she stopped in her tracks when Yaz spoke.

“It’s Yaz, by the way.”

Charlie turned around, looking slightly confused.

“What?”

“My friends… they call me Yaz, not Yasmin.”

Charlie’s look changed to a soft one, immediately followed by a smile.

“So, we’re friends now?”

Yaz couldn’t help but grin at her.

“Well, we did sleep together already, so, yeah. I think we can be friends.”

Charlie chuckled.

“I’m looking forward to being your friend Yaz.”

And just like that she turned and left, leaving Yaz in need of yet another cold shower.

///

A yoga class taught, two personal training sessions, one workout and another shower later, Yaz went up to the kitchen to finally have lunch. She was absolutely starving.

As per usual, Jack was already there. However, this time he was accompanied by Ryan Sinclair who seemed to be showing him something on his computer.

“Hey guys.”

She greeted them while fetching her lunch from the fridge to heat it up in the microwave.

“Hey Yaz.”

“Hey.”

They both greeted her back in their usual manner, immediately going back to Ryan’s computer.

“Ryan, don’t you usually have a PT session at this time?”

Yaz asked a minute later out of pure curiosity.

“The client cancelled. Something to do with their work.”

Yaz nodded at the same time as the microwave announced that her food was ready and warm with slight _DING_.

She took the food out and sat down in front of them while Jack seemed to be wrapping up the conversation.

“That all looks great Ryan, you have a green card to go ahead with it if you want and if you need extra help with anything just ask.”

“That’s brilliant, mate. Thanks.”

He packed up his laptop and got up to leave.

“I’m gonna head home for a few hours, but I’ll come back later. I have a PT session with John.”

“Bye Ryan.”

“Bye handsome.”

Ryan was already out and didn’t seem to hear him. Yaz rolled her eyes.

“You need to stop flirting with the staff.”

“Ah it's all good fun. Besides, his grandpa is a lot more handsome if you ask me.”

Yaz just laughed.

“You’re unbelievable. What was that about anyway?”

Jack spoke through a mouthful of food.

“He wants to open a self-defence class. He has some experience in the matter and he’s quite popular with the ladies, so it’s bound to be a success. Not to mention it’s an important thing to teach and hardly any other gyms are doing it at the moment.”

Yaz simply nodded agreeing.

“Told you Ryan would be a good addition to the gym.”

“That my dear Yasmin, you did.”

A few minutes passed, they were both in a comfortable silence eating away their respective lunches. By the time they finished and were both sipping a cup of tea each, Jack finally spoke.

“So, the new client from this morning… Charlie Smith was it? How was she?”

Yaz took a few seconds to answer.

Should she tell Jack that Charlie happened to be the woman from the bar the night before? Would that affect her work? Would it have any implications on Charlie taking her class? She didn’t want any trouble, not for her and let alone for Charlie who didn’t even know Yaz worked here until now. And even if Jack didn’t make a big deal out of it, it was only a matter of time before the rest of the staff found out. Jack was good hearted and meant no harm, but sometimes his mouth was just too big, and he loved gossip a bit too much.

Right there, Yaz decided she would keep her partner from the previous night’s activities a secret.

“Yeah, she was good. She said she really enjoyed it and wants to come back again.”

There, simple and professional as usual.

“That’s brilliant. Knew that sending her to your class would close the deal.”

Yaz smiled.

“She’s having a physical evaluation session with Bill tomorrow, if I’m not mistaken and right after that she’s having a nutrition appointment with Martha.”

Yaz just nodded, not understanding why Jack was going on so much about Charlie, she was just another regular client.

“She’s quite good looking didn’t you think?”

And there it was. Yaz wondered briefly if he knew Charlie was the woman from the night before, but also knowing Jack she doubted that if he knew he would’ve been able to keep quiet about it for this long.

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Dunno, I supposed. Don’t really tend to check out my clients like that.”

Jack smirked.

“I just thought you know… cause you have a thing for blondes-“

Yaz threw him a piece of paper, which he defended with one hand.

“I do not have a thing for blondes!”

“Yeah, what about the blonde from last night?”

“That was one! How many blondes have you seen me take home?”

Jack looked at her in a defiant manner and Yaz knew she should not have asked.

“Well, there was the blonde from about six months ago when we went out with the staff to that bar across town. The one from four months ago, when we went to the movies and you sat next to her and then ditched me for the night. The one from last month-“

“Ok, ok. I get it. I do have a type.”

Yaz raised her hands in defeat.

“Not like you’re the one to talk though.”

They both chuckled. Yaz knew Jack wasn’t saying any of this as a form of judgement. Besides Ryan and Bill, who she knew for quite a few years now, Jack was probably one of the few other people who never seemed to judge her about her sex life or how she chose to live it.

When it came to that at least, they were very alike.

“Doesn’t quite fill the void though, does it?”

He asked in a sort of quiet, calm, and almost sad manner. Yaz knew there was a reason why he never seemed to settle with anyone, knew that behind that happy, cheerful, and very flirty exterior, was a man with a sad story. He never talked about it, and out of respect, Yaz never asked. After all, he never asked about hers.

“No, it doesn’t.”

She simply said.

///

Almost an hour later, Yaz woke up from her nap in the quiet room.

This was one of her favourite places in the gym, especially on days when she had to wake up so early in the morning and had a day full of classes and PT sessions, there was hardly any time to breathe. So, a nap was always most welcome, and the sofa beds were way too comfortable.

Checking her watch she realised she only had twenty minutes before her next PT session and she needed at least ten minutes to go over the client’s notes from the last meeting and make sure all the materials were available and in place for what she’d planned for this one.

Getting up as quietly as she could to not disturb Bill, who was sleeping on the sofa next to her, she made her way to the kitchen to grab a cuppa and get ready.

***

“I can’t do it Yaz!”

“Yes, you can, come on just one more and then it’s over.”

With the final bit of strength in her, Donna completed one final push up before slumping down on the mattress, breathing heavily.

“See? Told ya.”

“I hate you.”

Donna answered, though Yaz knew she was only joking. It was like this every session, but Donna’s progress had been remarkable.

“No, you don’t.”

Donna rolled over and sat up, more than ready to start the most relaxing part: stretching.

Yaz guided her through the movements, giving extra assistance when it was required.

“How’s the wife?”

She asked while holding Donna’s feet in place so she could reach them with her hands.

“Just quite alright. We’re finally signing Christine’s adoption papers tomorrow. Give Luke a little sister.”

Yaz smiled and got behind Donna to help her stretch one of her arms.

“Sarah Jane must be proper excited about it. And Luke too. You have a beautiful family Donna.”

She was sincere. She’d met them all when Donna had joined the gym just a year previously after an accident that cost her some of her mobility and a good part of her memory. Luckily with the collaborative help from Yaz and her psychiatrist, she’d been able to recover from it all. Her memory had all come back intact, and her body was improving with each passing day and with each session.

Yaz knew she shouldn’t have favourite clients, and she would never say it out loud, but Donna was most certainly hers.

Together, both women put away the materials they had used in their rightful places and were ready to leave the PT studio.

“So, I’ll see you again on Friday then?”

“Definitely, yes!”

Yaz was locking the door when Donna turned around again.

“Oh, by the way! Almost forgot. A friend of mine just joined this gym, I think she was here this morning actually!”

“What’s their name? Maybe I’ve met them.”

She asked while grabbing her water bottle and taking a big sip.

“Charlie Smith.”

Yaz almost choked.

“You okay Yaz?”

She recomposed herself, cleaning her chin with the back of her hand.

“Yeah, fine. I know her actually. She was in my 7am spinning class.”

“That’s brilliant then! She definitely has the right energy for it.”

Both women laughed at the same time. _That she has_. Yaz thought to herself.

She bid goodbye to Donna and looked up to nothing in particular just taking a deep breath.

For some reason she felt like this wasn’t the last time the universe would throw the mysterious Charlie Smith at her, especially now that they were bound to see each other at her work more often than not.

And Yaz, for a reason she couldn’t yet understand, was actually happy about it.

///

Later that night, after a very long and exhausting day, Yaz finally got into bed. Her body immediately relaxing as soon as it hit her very comfy mattress and pillows.

She sighed contently. Giving her phone one last check and reaching to the bedside table to put it down and charging, she noticed the piece of paper still on top of it.

Her mind went straight to the stranger from the night before – actually, no – not a stranger anymore. Charlie.

She held the piece of paper like it was something precious, reading it over and over again. The little kiss at the end of the note still sending butterflies down her stomach.

But her thoughts started drifting back to the previous night again. She thought about Charlie’s hands, the way they were so soft and yet rough while touching her. A perfect combination. She thought about Charlie’s fingers and how talented they were. Thought about her mouth. On hers, on her neck, on her chest, on her clit. Just everywhere.

Then she thought back to this morning, Charlie’s smile while looking at her and the way her arms flexed when she was standing on the bike. How didn’t she notice her arms were so toned the night before?

Almost without realising, her free hand started drifting further down until it reached the hot heat between her legs. She could feel how wet she was through the fabric of her underwear alone. The brief pressure making her moan quietly.

Oh, how she wanted to be touched. Pulling her hand out and almost without thinking she grabbed her phone once again, inserting the number that was left on the note.

“I really shouldn’t.”

She whispered. Like her thumb had a mind of its own, she pressed _call_.

“This better not be a fake number.”

One, two, three rings later, someone picked up.

_“Hello?”_

It was definitely her.

“Hi Charlie. It’s Yaz.”

She could practically feel the other woman smiling through the phone.

_“Yaz! Hi! Was just thinking about you.”_

Yaz’s breath caught in her throat. Charlie was thinking about her? She felt her cheeks going red and the wetness between her legs increase tenfold.

“That’s funny. Cause I was thinking about you too.”

There’s a pause and all Yaz can hear is Charlie’s breathing.

_“What were you thinking about?”_

Yaz didn’t want to tell her straight up what she was really thinking about, still not entirely sure the blonde felt the same.

"I were just wondering if you were sore from this morning's lesson?"

_"Oh..."_

Charlie sounded... disappointed? Was she expecting Yaz to be thinking about her in some other way? Surely not. It was a one-night stand... it didn't mean anything. It couldn't.

But then again, what the hell was Yaz doing on the phone with Charlie right now if it didn't mean something? Charlie continued.

_"Yeah... I am pretty sore to be honest now that you mentioned. Just don't think it has anything to do with this morning but more to do with last night."_

Yaz smirked. So, Charlie was thinking about last night too.

"Oh yeah? Can't blame you, it were a pretty good night."

_"That it most certainly was."_

There was the sound of ruffled sheets on Charlie's end and she wondered, for a second, if Charlie was in the same state Yaz was right now. Wet and in need to be touched.

_"So how was the rest of your day?"_

Not the question Yaz expected to be asked. But she decided to play, nonetheless.

"Just a regular one. Gave a yoga class, a few PT lessons and did a workout of my own."

_"What sort of workout?"_

She could hear Charlie's breathing becoming a little bit heavier. Yaz's mind just kept wondering if it was really happening or if she was hearing things that weren't there.

"It was biceps and back day. A few pull ups, some biceps curls... A bit of abs as well."

_"Hm... You do have some very nice arms… that explains it."_

Yaz couldn't deny it now. Charlie's breathing was definitely picking up.

It's on then.

"Charlie, what are you doing right now?"

_"Nothing."._ Charlie answers back a little bit too fast.

"Are you sure?"

_"Ye... Yes. Sure. Positive. Nothing at all."_

There's a cough from the other end of the line, but it sounded fake.

_"What are you doing?"_

Yaz just smirks, knowing exactly where this is going.

She knows she shouldn't. But gods, this woman was something else. And she was sparking something inside Yaz she hadn't felt in a very long time.

And if Charlie felt the same way (which by the sounds of it, Yaz was almost certain she did), then who was Yaz to deny it.

They had already slept together. This was child's play.

"I was thinking about last night."

She finally spoke, Charlie remained quiet, her breathing loud through the phone.

"When we got home, and I pinned you against the door. Pushed one of my thighs between your legs. We were kissing, my tongue was in your mouth... "

_"Yaz..."_

Bingo.

"Are you feeling the same way I am right now Charlie? Are you hot, and wet and in need of touching yourself?"

_"Yes, Yaz. Please. Tell me I can."_

Charlie breathing was becoming heavier and heavier by the second, and Yaz's own along with it. 

"You can Charlie."

Charlie moaned on the other end. It was a beautiful sound, something Yaz definitely hadn't appreciated properly before.

"Tell me what you're doing."

Charlie groans down the line. Yaz only wishes she could see her right now.

_"I'm touching my clit, one finger inside. Just like you did last night. God, I wish this was you again."_

That sent another rush of wetness down between Yaz's legs. She slipped her hand past her waistband and into burning heat, running her own fingers through wet folds, moaning when she finally touched her clit and, just like the woman on the other line, pushed one finger inside her easily.

_"Are you touching yourself too Yaz?"_

"Yes.". Was all Yaz could manage, the tension that had been building up for the last half an hour, - or really, all day - finally coming to a boiling point.

_"Good girl."_

Yaz couldn't help the moan that escaped her mouth then. Charlie's praise only lighting up the fire inside her even more.

Charlie moaned through the line.

_"Can you put one more finger inside for me Yaz?"_

She didn't know when the tables had flipped. When she was the one to become putty at Charlie's command, wanting nothing more than to do what the other woman told her to do.

She had to flip the tables back on.

Still, she pushed another finger through her entrance, meeting absolutely no friction.

"Charlie..."

_"Yaz..."_

"I wish you were here."

Her fingers pumped rapidly inside her, her thumb finding her clit immediately after.

Another loud moan.

_"What would you do if I was there?"_

Charlie's question came but a whisper.

She was clearly as worked up as her. Yaz slid a third finger inside, immediately adjusting to the slight stretch of her walls and not slowing down in pace. The pressure on her clit increasing.

"I would kiss you on the mouth. Let my tongue explore every inch of it. Then I'd kiss your jaw, your neck..."

_"Yaz..."_

"I would move to your chest. I'd take a nipple into my mouth, suck on it, flip my tongue over it, while pinching the other one between my fingers."

_"Gods, Yaz..."_

"I would go down on your stomach, and down and down until I finally reached between your legs."

Yaz picked up her pace, she could feel the knot in her gut getting ready to break at any time.

_"Yaz... I'm close..."_

"I would run my tongue through you. Taste you all over again."

_"Oh gods..."_

"Finally, I'd suck on your clit while pushing a finger inside, then two, then three. And I would fuck you until you were begging me to let you come.”

_"Yaz... Please..."_

"Come for me Charlie."

_"Yaz..."_

Charlie's moans echoed through the phone. Primal and guttural, a beautiful sound and that alone was enough to make Yaz's knot break.

"Charlie..."

Her hips shot off the mattress, as she felt her walls clench around her fingers coating them in her own arousal, her head dropped back against the pillow while her fingers are still pumping inside her prolonging her release for as long as possible.

When it finally came to a stop, she removed her hand wiping it in the sheets.

_“Yaz, did you…?”_

“Yes, you sound very hot when you come Charlie.”

There was a brief laugh on both ends.

***

A couple of minutes pass, both women still on the phone in silence while they try to catch their breath. Yaz trying to make sense of what just happened.

_“Yaz?”_

“Yes Charlie?”

_“Are we gonna keep doing this? The sex I mean?”_

Yaz pondered for a moment. Sex didn’t have to mean anything more than just that. It didn’t have to involve feelings or complications. Didn’t have to involve commitment and hurt.

“I would like that.”

_“Brilliant!”_

“But Charlie?”

_“Yes Yaz?”_

“It’s just sex. I… I’m not looking for a relationship.”

There was a loud sigh from the other end of the line and Yaz wondered for a moment if Charlie was already gonna call the whole thing off.

_“That’s okay Yaz. This can be whatever you want it to be. I’m fine with it either way.”_

“You promise?”

_“I promise.”_

She sounded convincing, and Yaz accepted it.

“We can’t tell people though. About the sex, I mean. Especially not people at the gym… I don’t want gossip about it.”

_“That’s okay, I understand. Not like I make a habit of just talking about my sex life anyway.”_

Both women chuckled. Yaz should’ve figured Charlie to be the more private type. But then again, so was she.

_“We don’t have to hide that we’re friends, though do we? Cause I want that Yaz. I want to be your friend and get to know you better… are you okay with that?”_

“I’m more than okay with that Charlie. I want to get to know you too. And of course, there’s no reason for us to hide the fact that we’re friends.”

Charlie sounded relieved.

_“So, what are we then? Like, friends with benefits or something?”_

“Yeah, friends with benefits sounds good.”

  
  
They're silent for a few minutes until Yaz begins to feel tired and glancing at her watch she realises she needs to get some sleep soon, otherwise she'll be a zombie in her 7am class tomorrow.

  
  
"I'm gonna get some sleep now. I have another 7am tomorrow."

  
  
_"I can't make that one tomorrow, I have work. But I'll go to the gym later in the day for some appointments."_

  
  
"I'll see you then."

  
  
_"Definitely, yes.”_

“Goodnight Charlie."

  
  
_"Goodnight Yaz."_

  
  
She ended the call. Getting up and heading straight to the bathroom to wash her face in some cold water, she looked at herself in the mirror.

  
  
“I hope you know what you’re doing Khan.”

She said to her own reflection. After all, how hard could it be?

Friends with benefits. No strings attached. It should be easy… Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreciated xx


	2. click

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t a date.
> 
> Then why did it feel like one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of an abusive past  
> (only briefly and nothing graphic)
> 
> hope you enjoy this one!!

Yaz was going over some paperwork in the gym office when Bill burst through the door cheering, followed by Jack.

“Yasmin Khan, you have won the lottery!”

Jack screamed, earning a raised eyebrow and laugh from Yaz.

“What are you two on about?”

“You’ve got a new PT client!”

That was weird.

“How’s that possible? Thought you were next on rotation?”

“Ah, you see…” Bill went on explaining. “Someone asked for you, specifically, by name.”

Yaz couldn’t help the surprised expression on her face. It was rare that clients would ask someone to be their personal trainer by name, unless they already had a close relationship. There was a rotation system, so it made sure everyone would get clients, considering that the PT service was their main source of income.

“But… Who?”

“Charlie Smith herself.” Jack finally revealed.

Of course, it was her, who else would it be?

“That’s nice.”

Yaz was trying to contain a smile, but of course it didn’t go unnoticed by Jack.

“Anything you wanna tell us Yasmin?”

“No! Nothing. Me and Charlie are friends, she probably just feels more comfortable having me training her, that’s all.”

Neither Bill nor Jack seemed convinced, but they decided not to comment any further.

Wrapping up the paperwork, Yaz closed her laptop and got up.

“Is she still around? Maybe I can go over some of the plans with her already.”

“Think she’s with the nutritionist but shouldn’t take long. She said she’d stay around for a bit after so you can probably catch her.”

Bill said and Yaz nodded.

“Gonna grab some food while I wait for her then. Do you need anything from me Jack?”

He looked up in a thinking manner, before shaking his head.

“Good. I’ll see you both later.”

She exited the office and went to the kitchen.

***

Thirty minutes later, Yaz was sitting on a sofa just outside the nutrition office, finishing her sandwich, when she heard Charlie walking out of the door.

“Thanks Martha, see you around!”

When she didn’t seem to notice Yaz, she cleared her throat to grab the blonde’s attention who was attentively reading a piece of paper.

She looked up, immediately smiling when green eyes locked on brown.

“Oh, hi Yaz! Didn’t see you there.”

She sat next to her, still reading the paper.

“I could tell. What are you reading?”

Charlie passed the document over to her, so she could have a read.

“My nutrition plan. She says I can't have custard creams and hot chocolate for breakfast anymore. That it’s too sweet, and it has too much sugar.”

She said while frowning, and Yaz couldn’t help but melt and smile at her adorable expression.

“And are you going to follow it?”

“Naaaah.” She waved her hand as if dismissing it completely. “Have been eating custard creams and hot chocolate as breakfast for years, never did me any harm. Besides, I’m as healthy as a monkey.”

Yaz let out a laugh that made Charlie’s cheeks go pink.

“Did you just laugh at something I said?”

“Well, that seems to happen a lot doesn’t it?”

“You have a nice laugh, so I’m not complaining.”

This time it was Yaz’s cheeks that turned hot.

“What do you mean _‘healthy as a monkey’_ though?” she said trying to steer the conversation away from the compliment Charlie has just paid her and caused an odd sensation in her gut.

“Oh, it’s something my brother used to say when I were younger. Cause I were always climbing trees and eating bananas. Love bananas me. He always said you should take one to a party. I never understood why though. He’s a bit mad.”

Yaz couldn’t contain another laugh.

“There’s that laugh again.”

They just stared at each other for a few silent seconds, like nothing else around them or in the world was happening, until Yaz finally broke the silence.

“So, I’ve heard you asked for me specifically to be your personal trainer?”

She raised an eyebrow and gave Charlie a smirk, curious to see what sort of excuse she had for making such a request.

When she spoke though, Yaz could tell she was being serious about it.

“Yeah, I’m not very good with new people. I just don’t feel comfortable, specially considering a personal trainer sees all the numbers happening in your body like your weight and stuff… Not to mention there might be a lot of touching sometimes and I just… I just feel more comfortable with you. Because we’re friends and all… Is that okay?”

She started fidgeting with her hands and was avoiding looking at Yaz. Did Charlie think Yaz was gonna be mad about it?

“Charlie that’s perfectly fine. Honestly, I appreciate that you asked for me.

She reached for one of the blonde’s hands and squeezed gently.

Charlie looked at her and smiled.

“Thanks, Yaz.”

“I’m not gonna take it easy on you though, so don’t even think about it.”

“Yaaaaazzz…”

Charlie whined, hiding her face in Yaz’s neck, immediately pulling away when she remembered they were not only in a public place, but at Yaz’s work.

“So…” Yaz let go of Charlie’s hand, already mourning the loss of contact. “Do you wanna go into the office and start planning your sessions?”

***

“So, we’re committing to two personal training sessions each week, thirty minutes each. Plus, you’re going to one spinning class a week as well. And you keep your usual running routine on the weekends if you feel up for it. Is that okay?”

Charlie nodded.

“Sounds good Yaz, you’re brilliant.”

Yaz smiled.

“I know.”

///

**_A month and a half later_ **

It wasn’t a date.

That’s what Yaz kept telling herself. It was just two friends, going to the aquarium and then grabbing a bite together.

It wasn’t a date.

Then why did it feel like one?

She and Charlie had started this “arrangement” a little over a month ago. They were together nearly every day of the week.

They had sex, they had sleepovers, they had movie nights. They went out for lunch and dinner and drinks. Yaz kept training Charlie, and Charlie never ever missed a session or a class, showing her commitment to Yaz.

They had gotten to know each other very well. Yaz told Charlie about her family and about her time at university. Although she didn’t tell her about **_that_**. She wasn’t ready for that yet, and even though she had a feeling Charlie knew there was something Yaz was failing to tell her, she was only grateful that the blonde never pressured her into revealing it.

As for Charlie, Yaz had found out that she had been mostly raised by her brother, John Smith, who was a doctor and a client at the gym. He was also engaged to Rose Tyler, Charlie’s best friend.

Charlie had grown up to become a science teacher at a local school, she taught mainly the younger years, having a major passion for the subject, and wanting to make science fun for kids.

Yaz had also come to notice that Charlie never mentioned her family, besides her brother. She never talked about her parents or her childhood. But just like Charlie had respected Yaz’s privacy, Yaz did the same for her.

Things between them were good.

And this was most definitely _not_ a date.

She checked herself one more time in the bathroom mirror. Her hair was loose today, perfect curls falling over her shoulders. She was wearing a red blouse and skinny black jeans that fit perfectly over her toned thighs. The look was neatly completed with a pair of doc martens and a black leather jacket. Her makeup was minimal, but still slightly noticeable.

She did feel like she was getting ready for a date, wondering briefly what Charlie would think of her outfit.

“Get it together Khan.”

She shook her head and left the bathroom, heading over to the living room where Charlie was already waiting for her.

Yaz stopped in her tracks, taking a moment to admire the woman in front of her.

Charlie’s outfit was colourful to say the least, consisting of pair of light denim mom jeans ripped on one of the thighs but patched with a rainbow pattern and cuffed at the ankles, a red t-shirt with a rainbow emblazoned across the chest and tucked neatly into the jeans, and a green bomber-jacket with splashes of colours across both sleeves going from blue to pink to yellow and purple. Her hair was straight and pulled behind an ear on one side to show off her ear cuff.

Her feet were covered in white converse and Yaz could notice the slight peak of colour from each of the socks (one yellow and one orange). Charlie almost always wore odd socks, whether that was on purpose or simply a distraction, Yaz was yet to find out.

If she was wearing any makeup, Yaz couldn’t see it. But then again, she never thought Charlie needed any. The outfit was a little extravagant, and on any other person Yaz would probably find it a bit odd. But on Charlie? On Charlie it definitely hit different. And Yaz couldn’t put her finger on why.

Cause yes, Charlie looked like a walking rainbow. But Yaz also couldn’t picture her in anything less colourful. It just fit Charlie’s personality and energy.

Realising the blonde hadn’t yet noticed her, she made her presence known while grabbing her purse.

“Hey, I’m ready.”

As soon as Charlie looked up, she gasped.

“Wow Yaz… you look… wow.”

Yaz was grateful she put on makeup, otherwise the redness of her cheeks would not have gone unnoticed.

“You look very ‘wow’ yourself.”

Charlie looked down at her outfit, immediately scrunching her face. 

“You sure it’s not too colourful?”

“Charlie, take it from someone who has somehow seen you pull off a pair of very bright yellow dungarees that nearly blinded me. That outfit suits you perfectly.”

“Hey, those dungarees were brilliant Yaz.”

They each grabbed their belongings; Charlie checked the tickets again and then the time.

“The bus gets here in ten minutes. We should get going.”

Yaz just nodded opening the door, and off they went.

///

They had been at the Aquarium for nearly two hours. It was a Saturday, but surprisingly the place wasn’t bursting with people as it usually would, so they had more freedom to walk around and spend as much time in each section as they wanted. Or as much time as Charlie needed to info-dump every fact that she knew about every species to Yaz.

It was safe to say, Yaz was impressed.

“I didn’t know you knew so much about sea life.”

She bumped Charlie’s shoulder, who just looked up at the big tank in front of them while a shark was passing by.

“I used to come here all the time when I were kid. Every time I ran away from home, this is where I’d come, so I just started learning as much as I could.”

She said in a sad and dismissive manner, which Yaz took as a _“Don’t ask me about it now.”._ So, she stored the information at the back of her mind, with the intent of bringing it back up at a more appropriate time.

Charlie looked at her with a slightly sad smile that dissipated right away and suddenly held her hand.

“Come on, I wanna show you the best part.”

She guided them through a couple corridors until finally they reached their destination.

In front of them was a large tank with ray fish. All shapes and sizes, they all seemed to be the same colour and they all looked alike, but Yaz could still see there was something different in each of them. She’d never seen anything quite like it. It was like they were talking to each other in a language Yaz couldn’t imagine existing and through a dance to which Yaz would never learn the steps to.

It was the most beautiful and wonderful thing she’d ever set her eyes on.

“Charlie this is amazing!”

Yaz couldn’t take her eyes off it. Charlie let go of her hand to point at two identical rays swimming right in front of them side by side.

“Those two are twins.”

Yaz looked at the two creatures and she could see what Charlie meant. They were the only two who seemed to be exactly alike, both exhibiting a red mark on each of their left membrane. And there was a sort of intimacy between them, like they were alien from all the others, staying close to each other at all times.

“Do they have a name?” Yaz asked (cause Charlie would be the kind of person to give them a name, right?).

“Anna and Billy.” She simply said.

Charlie sat down on the floor with her legs crossed. Yaz followed her movements. 

For a moment they were both quiet, simply enjoying the show displaying in front of them.

It was like being in the front row of a play you only get to experience this way once cause it would never be the same the second time around. Like every movement they did was unique and different to the next, and never to be repeated again.

Yaz was so caught up in the, – almost sort of magic – happening in front of her she barely heard Charlie when she spoke.

“Did you know ray fish are from the same family as sharks?”

Yaz chuckled. 

“Really? I would’ve never guessed. That’s incredible.”

Another moment.

“They’re very friendly as well, they won’t hurt you unless they feel threatened. And they can reach 14ft long.”

Yaz just listened, clinging on to every word coming out of Charlie’s mouth. The entire day, - _hell_ , since she had met her, - she had never seen Charlie so still and speak so calmly. Like she had all the time in the world, and she wanted to tell Yaz everything she knew about these creatures.

Maybe that’s how Charlie felt. Like time stopped here and it became nothing but a concept. Yaz’s mind thought back to earlier in the day, when Charlie mentioned how she used to run away and come here.

“They’re really good at hide and seek.”

Yaz was brought back from her thoughts and looked at Charlie, a tiny smile on her face.

“Seriously? Hide and seek? Like the children’s game?”

Charlie chuckled, and that’s when Yaz noticed – she looked sad, there was no life in that small laugh, no Charlie in it.

“Not exactly like that, no. They use it as a form of hiding from predators or danger and protect themselves…”

Her face darkened all of the sudden, at the same time a single tear fell from the corner of her eye. Yaz’s heart broke at the sight.

Was now the right time to ask? She couldn’t tell, but gently and as calm as ever, Yaz brought up the subject.

“Charlie… When you said earlier you used to run away and hide here… Were you trying to protect yourself from something… someone?”

Yaz didn’t say anything else, giving Charlie the space and time to answer if she wanted to. After a couple of minutes, the blonde finally spoke.

“My parents weren’t very nice people…”

Another tear. Realisation was starting to dawn on Yaz about why Charlie always opted not to talk about her family.

“My brother started bringing me here. And as soon as I figured out how to run away, I started coming on my own.”

“Charlie, did they…”

“No.” She answered right away, shaking her head. “They never touched me or my brother. But things sometimes got really scary. A lot of shouting and things flying around.” She finally looked down from the fish swimming above them and at her knees “They didn’t feed us, or let us take showers… Then one day social services came and took us away. John was seventeen so he didn’t stay in the system long. But he always kept in touch with me to make sure I was okay.”

Yaz never once interrupted. This was a part of Charlie’s story she had never heard and – if she was being honest with herself – she never thought she’d hear.

“I went around from home to home cause I could never fit anywhere, and those families didn’t want me… Or care.”

Charlie’s voice broke then, and more tears started streaming down her face, her bottom lip trembling, and it was taking everything in Yaz not to reach out and hug her. But she wasn’t sure that doing that wouldn’t scare Charlie, so she remained still.

Yaz placed one of her hands on the floor next to Charlie’s knee. Not touching her, not reaching out, but as a way of saying _“It’s there if you wanna take it, I’m here”._

And luckily Charlie got the hint and took her hand. Yaz wasted no time squeezing it, reassuringly. Charlie squeezed it back.

“How old were you?”

“Seven.”

“Oh, Charlie. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

The blonde leaned over to the side, resting her head on Yaz’s shoulder, and Yaz instinctively wrapped her in a hug, giving her the comfort and safety she needed to cry it all out.

After a while she finally lifted her head and sniffled.

“Charlie, did you ever find a nice home?”, Yaz needed to know. She needed to make sure that Charlie had known a good home and family. Needed to make sure Charlie had been loved.

“Yeah I did. One day I got sent to this woman’s house, and that was the first time I felt like I belonged somewhere. She treated me so well Yaz, like I were her own kid and she helped John too whenever he needed.” Charlie was smiling now, the biggest grin Yaz had seen on her face since they arrived at this section. “I stayed with her for nearly two years and then John was able to take me in and live with him. But we still kept contact with her.”

“What was her name?”

“Sarah Jane Smith.”

The name rang a bell in Yaz. Surely it couldn’t be the same person? That was too much of a coincidence.

“Wait… is she married to a ginger woman?”

Charlie looked at her with a shocked expression on her face.

“Yeah. She married Donna a few years ago, she works at my school. But how do you know that?”

Yaz laughed “I’ve been Donna’s personal trainer ever since her accident.”

“That’s an amazing coincidence, Yaz.”

Both friends laughed at that. It truly was a mysterious thing. How Charlie had been partially raised by the woman who would eventually marry someone who would come to be Yaz’s client, like she and Charlie had this connection all along. It was ridiculous, really. But Yaz couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

After a while Charlie took Yaz’s hand in hers once again.

“Yaz?”

“Yes Charlie?”

She sighed, “I’m really glad I met you.”

Yaz leaned over placing the gentlest of kisses on the blonde’s forehead, pulling her into a hug again.

“I’m really glad I met you too.”

They stayed like that for a little while longer, under the curious eyes of the dozens of ray fish that were swimming happily in front of them, not realizing that this was probably the start of something more deeper, that even the two friends weren’t aware of yet.

///

An hour later, Aquarium left behind, they were sat at an outdoor restaurant waiting for Rose, Charlie’s best friend.

“You’re gonna love her Yaz.”

Yaz couldn’t help but feel excited when Charlie herself seemed more than eager to see her friend, even though they had been together at work the day before.

Charlie must have spotted her in the distance, cause next thing Yaz knows, she’s getting up waving her arm frantically.

“Rose! Over here!”

Yaz couldn’t help but laugh, Charlie’s childish mannerisms never failing to make her soft.

A beautiful blonde woman, looking only a little bit older than the two friends approached their table. She smiled warmly at them before being enveloped in a big hug by Charlie.

“Hey Char.”

“Hi Rose!”

Charlie let go of her and pointed her hand towards Yaz.

“Rose, this is Yasmin Khan. Yaz, this is Rose.”

Yaz held out her hand for the blonde to shake, but instead the older woman rounded the table and gave Yaz a big hug.

“Yasmin, it’s so great to finally meet you! Charlie told me so much about you.”

Yaz felt her cheeks turn hot, but at the same time a thought occurred to her: did Rose know about the sort of relationship they had?

She looked sideways at Charlie who nodded her head in a motion that told Yaz _“Don’t worry, she doesn’t know.”_. Yaz felt a little relieved, though if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t mind Rose knowing. It was just the people at her work that she wanted to keep this a secret from.

***

After their lunch, the three friends were still sat at the table. Rose and Yaz with a cup of coffee each, Charlie with a hot chocolate.

They were chatting away happily when Charlie suddenly drank all of her mug contents in one go. When she lowered the cup, Yaz and Rose let out a laugh.

“What?”

Charlie asked confused, looking between her two friends who just kept on laughing.

“Guys come on, what’s so funny?”

When they finally calmed down, Yaz looked at her and said, “Nice moustache Charlie.”

As expected, the blonde tried to look down at her upper lip, eyes crossing and poking out her tongue trying to lick it clean.

Without wasting a second, Yaz took out her phone and snapped a picture of Charlie, which did not go unnoticed.

“Yaaaaazzz!”

The younger blonde pouted, leaning back on her chair, and crossing her arms, trying to look angry.

Yaz and Rose laughed again, and Charlie, not being able to remain – or really, just pretend, – to be upset for long, smiled along with them.

“C’mere.”

Yaz grabbed a napkin from the table and reached over to her to wipe her face clean.

As soon as Yaz’s hand touched her face however, Charlie went frozen. With every brush of paper on skin, her finger brushing lightly over Charlie’s upper lip, Yaz felt herself in a trance. She couldn’t stop staring at Charlie’s lips.

She knew those lips. Probably better than she knew anyone’s. But for the first time, she felt the need to kiss them. Just kiss them. A tender kiss, a casual kiss. Like normal couples did.

But they were not a normal couple, were they? They were friends. They never kissed unless they were in the heat of the moment. And the moment never happened unless it involved sex.

They didn’t do kissing. Because they were just friends.

When she looked up, she found Charlie watching her closely. Eyes locked on hers.

Yaz could almost swear that for a split-second Charlie looked down at her mouth, but she couldn’t be sure.

They would’ve probably stayed like that for longer if it wasn’t for Rose calling them out back to reality.

Charlie got up all of a sudden.

“I’m gonna go to the toilet. Be back in a bit.”

Without waiting for an answer, she left the table and went inside the restaurant.

Yaz went back to drinking her coffee. She was mid sip when Rose finally said something.

“So, I’ve heard you’ve been working Charlie pretty hard.”

Yaz choked on the coffee letting a few drops fall to her jeans. Luckily, they were black, and the stains weren’t noticeable.

“Wh– What?”

Rose smiled.

“You’re her personal trainer, right?”

Yaz felt a bit relieved. Of course, that’s what Rose meant, what else would it be?

“Yeah. She’s very committed to it. I love training her.”

“I bet you do.”

There was a smirk on Rose’s face that told Yaz the blonde probably knew more than she was letting on, but Yaz wanted to wait to make sure. See where the conversation was going.

“Charlie told me you’re engaged to her brother. He’s a client at the gym as well, works out with my friend Ryan.”

Rose nodded.

“Yeah, he does marathons.”

“Running is in the family then.” Yaz said and Rose smiled.

“Suppose it is.”

Both women laughed and Yaz was starting to feel more at ease in Rose’s presence.

“How did you meet Charlie and John? She never mentioned.”

Rose took another sip of her drink before speaking.

“I was their downstairs neighbour. They used to come to mine when things got– “ She stopped mid-sentence looking at Yaz to make sure she wasn’t revealing any information Charlie hadn’t given her access to.

Yaz simply nodded confirming she was aware of the situation, and so Rose continued.

“When things got loud and disturbing with their parents, they would come to mine. We would watch _Finding Nemo_ , and my mum would cook them dinner. Charlie would usually just stick to custard creams and chocolate.”

Yaz found herself happy to know some things about Charlie hadn’t changed that much.

“Is that how you and John got together then?”, Yaz asked hoping she wouldn’t be stepping over a boundary. But Rose seemed more than happy to tell her.

“God, no. I didn’t see him for years after he moved away to med school. And even then, when Charlie went to live with him, I hardly saw him. And I was in a relationship before that, but things didn’t work out. I wanted one thing and she wanted another.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Yaz meant it. She knew what it felt like when a relationship you thought to have potential, would suddenly end.

“It’s fine Yasmin, don’t worry.” Rose gave her a reassuring smile before continuing. “Then one day that cheeky kid invited me and John for lunch but failed to show up. So, it left us both alone, and we didn’t have other choice but to have lunch together and talk.”

There was a pause, and Rose seemed to be smiling at the memory “And we just _clicked_ , you know? Like it was always meant to be. Like all those years where we were children and teenagers together were leading here, and we just fit with each other. Like destiny, or something.”

Yaz just nodded. She wasn’t entirely sure she understood what Rose meant by destiny. She wasn’t even sure she understood this _“click”_. But it was a nice notion, and it wasn’t the first time that day alone that such a thing seemed to come up in conversation. Part of her couldn’t deny she knew exactly what Rose was talking about. She knew that feeling.

“So… you and Charlie. Is there anything going on between you two?”

And there it was, the question Yaz had been waiting and slightly dreading all this time.

“What do you mean?”

“Charlie says that you two are **‘just’** friend’s way too many times.” Rose explained, making quotation marks with her hands to prove a point.

“It’s… it’s complicated.”

Yaz didn’t look away from her mug. She was scared to face Rose who had known Charlie nearly all her life and was sure to have an opinion about it. Was she going to judge her for the type of relationship she had with Charlie? Was she gonna tell her to get away from her best friend? Tell her that Charlie deserved better?

Nothing that Yaz didn’t know already.

“Friends with benefits, right? Doesn’t seem that complicated to me.”

She didn’t answer, still not being able to look at the blonde.

“Why do you think it’s complicated Yaz?”

Yaz finally lifted her head, meeting Rose’s gaze. Why was it complicated? There were no strings attached, no feelings. Were there? _No._ There couldn’t be. Yaz would know if something more was going on.

She shrugged her shoulders and continued.

“I dunno. It's just not a very traditional relationship is it? I mean, it's not even a relationship at all. We’re just messing around, having fun.”

They were silent for a while.

“I know Charlie deserves better. But it was a mutual agreement. She’s free to end it whenever she wants, just like I am. It’s what we agreed.”

Yaz said in a slightly raised, and somewhat panicked voice. She didn’t understand why she was suddenly so defensive of what was happening between her and Charlie. All she knew is that she didn’t want to be told what they were doing wasn’t good for any of them. That they needed to end it.

Her hands started shaking slightly and Rose held them, in a reassuring way.

“Yaz I’m not judging. You’re both adults and are free to do whatever you want. And if I’m being honest, I think you’re exactly what Charlie deserves.”

Yaz just stared at her. Mouth open wanting to say something, but nothing was coming out. That was not what she expected to hear.

“In fact, I think you’re perfect for each other. I just don’t think either of you has realised that yet.”

Yaz was speechless. What did Rose mean _“none of you has realised that yet”_? Before she had time to process that thought and come up with an answer, Rose let go of Yaz’s hand at the same time Charlie sat back down on the table.

“God, that took way longer than I thought.”

Oblivious to the conversation that was happening previous to her arrival, she clapped her hands.

“So, anyone up for ice-cream?”

///

Later that night, there were in Charlie’s living room sitting on her purple sofa, thighs pressed together under a warm baby blue blanket.

The credits of the movie they had been watching still rolling on the screen.

Yaz thought back to her earlier conversation with Rose and wondered what Charlie would make of all of that.

“Charlie?”

“Hm?” the blonde looked suddenly at her, like she was just pulled out of her own thoughts and had forgotten for a moment that someone was next to her.

“Do you believe in destiny?”

Charlie turned her whole body to Yaz, placing her elbow on top of the back of the sofa and resting her head on a fisted hand.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… Rose was saying how she and John just _clicked_ when they reconnected. That it felt like it was meant to happen all along. Like destiny. Do you believe in that? Do you believe that two people can just be made for each other?”

Yaz could see the gears turning inside Charlie’s brain while she thought about it. This was an abstract concept, and being a woman of science where everything had an explanation or a reason to be, this notion of “destiny” wasn’t something she thought Charlie would just believe in. Even so, she could hope.

So, when Charlie simply said “No.” Yaz couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed, letting out a quiet “Oh.”

Clocking on to her reaction however, Charlie continued.

“What I meant is that, I don’t think you just _click_ with someone like that. Rose and John, they knew each other for years – since they were children – and nothing ever happened between them. Even when they reconnected it took them a year to start dating.”

Yaz just listened, curious to see where Charlie was gonna go next.

“I don’t think they _clicked_ right away, otherwise it would’ve happened sooner. I think they clicked when they were ready. Cause the way I see it, that’s when it happens. When you’re ready. When the relationship you’ve been building with this person suddenly isn’t enough. And you realise you want more. More time with them, more life. More of them.”

In that moment they locked eyes, green meeting brown, while Charlie’s knee brushed against Yaz’s thigh and she felt shivers up her spine at the sensation.

“That’s not destiny, Yaz. That’s falling in love. And falling in love takes time, and patience, and dedication… and courage.”

She shuffled closer to Yaz, their faces were in such proximity Yaz could feel Charlie’s breath on her skin. All she had to do to close the gap between them was move a little herself. But she found that she was frozen… lacking courage.

“But it should be worth it in the end… right?” Was all the blonde said.

Courage never came. The gap was never closed. They stayed like that just looking into each other’s eyes for what felt like a lifetime, until Charlie pulled away staring at the tv screen that had gone blank.

“Have you ever been in love Yaz?”

If she had been asked that question only a few months ago before they met, Yaz’s immediate answer would’ve been _Yes. She had been in love_.

But looking back now she wasn’t so sure anymore. She was starting to realise that maybe love felt like something completely different than what she thought.

“I thought I had, but now I don’t know.” When Charlie didn’t answer, simply nodding, Yaz asked back “Have you?”

The blonde only gave it a quick thought, before shaking her head. 

“I have loved. But I’ve never been _in_ love.”

“You think there’s a difference?”, Yaz questioned brows pinching together. 

“I do. I think being in love is riskier… but more wonderful too.” She simply said.

They left it at that. When the silence between them started to become too much, Yaz got up to remove the DVD from the player. 

“Do you wanna watch another movie?” she asked turning to look at Charlie.

“Definitely, yes!” she said while already tucking herself in half the blanket, leaving the other half for Yaz.

Yaz rummaged around her drawer looking at the films Charlie had, when she came across a dusty box that looked like it hadn’t been touched in ages. When she turned it around and read the title, she thought that if there really existed any forces in the universe working right now, they were responsible for this.

She got up from the floor and turned the movie to Charlie to ask for approval.

“What do you think about _Finding Nemo_?” 

Charlie smiled a childlike smile and her eyes glowed towards the box in Yaz’s hand. _No_ , not towards the box. At Yaz herself. 

“Yasmin Khan, you speak my language.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreaciated xx
> 
> P.S: thank you all SO MUCH for the incredibly overwhelming positivity on the first chapter!! it made me so so happy and definitely is a motivation to keep writing these idiot's story! :) 
> 
> once again massive thanks to my awesome beta hannah for reviewing this, i've said it before, but you are an absolute star :) xx


	3. a friendly shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's from a chapter that's not set on valentine cause timelines xx

It had been two weeks since they were last together, apart from the personal training sessions.

With Easter break approaching and marking the end of another term, Charlie’s students were in a frenzy trying to complete their final projects, and therefore required her time and attention outside of class, as well as all the marking Charlie needed to complete.

This meant that all her free time that was usually reserved for Yaz, was suddenly taken away.

Of course, with the holiday coming along, it also meant the gym was busier than usual, so Yaz found herself to be more loaded with work as well.

They still talked on the phone every night, just to catch up and make sure each of them were doing okay. But they were both always too tired to get into anything, so they talked for a few minutes before either Yaz or Charlie would fall asleep whilst still on the line.

And so, it had been two weeks. And Yaz couldn’t deny that she was starting to get a little bit frustrated. She was also missing the blonde. Not just touching her but just being close to her and enjoying her company. She hadn’t realised how much time they actually spent together outside their sessions, until they suddenly stopped seeing each other.

It was a strange feeling. She had never missed anyone this way… Or this much.

But today was Friday, marking the last day of term, meaning Charlie would be completely free of work and students for the next two weeks.

And in return, Yaz had requested a week off work as well. It would give her enough time to rest and recover, as well as more free time to spend with Charlie. 

***

She was finishing going over the playlist for her spinning class, making sure it was all in order, when Bill sat at the desk in front of her.

“Hey Yaz.”

Lifting her eyes off her laptop, Yaz eyed Bill who was looking at her with a curious look.

“Hey Bill, what’s up?”

Bill rolled her chair around the table, coming to a stop right next to her.

“Heard you requested the week after next off.”

Yaz pinched her eyebrows, confusion clouding her face.

“Yeah, I did. And?”

“It’s just weird.”

“Why? Everyone requests a week off every now and then.”

“Yaz, in the two years we’ve worked together you’ve never, and I mean _ever_ , requested a week off. Jack practically has to make you take a break, otherwise you won’t.”

Yaz frowned. Now that Bill had mentioned it, Yaz was thinking back to the last two years and she couldn’t deny that her friend was right. She had never requested days off work.

But this time, and apparently for the first time, she had. All because she wanted more time to spend with Charlie.

Yaz shrugged her shoulders trying to dismiss the subject.

“Well, I just fancied taking a week off this time that’s all.”

As expected, Bill wasn’t buying it.

“That’s it?”

“Yup.”

“You sure it has nothing to do with a little teacher that you so happen to train and have become very close with?”

Yaz looked at her, searching her face trying to figure out whether Bill knew anything about the sort of relationship she and Charlie had or not.

“Charlie and I are just friends Bill.”

“Really?”

She actually sounded surprised at Yaz’s statement, but whether it was fake or genuine, she couldn’t tell.

“I just thought… maybe I was wrong.”

“Thought what?”

“Nothing, nothing. Never mind.”

Bill rolled her chair back to the other desk, opening her laptop and immediately busying herself.

“Bill!”

“You should probably get going Yaz, your class starts in twenty minutes.”

Yaz glanced at the clock on the wall. Bill was right.

“And I just saw Charlie walk in, so you don’t wanna be late.”

She said with a wink and a shit eating grin, which Yaz replied to by throwing her a piece of paper that bounced on her head.

“Ow!”

Before Bill had the opportunity to throw the paper back at her, Yaz was already out of the door.

///

Today’s class was particularly busy, being a special festive one that Yaz had arranged to celebrate Easter.

Somehow, she and Jack had managed to make space in the studio for eight extra bikes, meaning there were now a total of forty. And every single one of them was booked.

Yaz felt slightly nervous. She had never taught in front of so many people and even though these were regular clients and she knew them all and their names, she couldn’t help the feeling she was going to mess it up somehow. She was teaching the class with Jack and she knew that if there was anything she forgot or did wrong, he would be there to help her correct it and keep the flow going. Even so, the sickness of her stomach didn’t seem to ease at all.

And Charlie was going to be there. She didn’t want to mess up in front of Charlie.

As if reading her thoughts, Jack reached out for her by placing his hands on her shoulders. She never felt so tense.

“I know what you’re thinking, but you’re gonna do great.”

Yaz sometimes hated how he could see right through her without her having to say a word. But other times she was grateful for it, cause it meant she didn’t have to explain herself.

“I just don’t wanna mess it up.”

She said looking down.

“Don’t be daft Yaz. We went over this class and practiced countless times. It’s perfect. Don’t overthink it.”

Squeezing her shoulders just a little bit more before letting go, he moved over to the sound system to turn the music up.

She knew Jack wasn’t the one for big pep talks, but she also knew that he never lied to her. And if he had approved of her class plan and said it was perfect, then that was what he truly thought.

She smiled and turned to him again.

“Thank you, Jack.”

He smiled back and glanced over her shoulder to the studio window.

“You’re welcome kid. There’s someone at the door wanting to talk to you.”

He gave her a wink and Yaz frowned, but when she turned around and looked at the door there she was: Charlie. Smiling and waving and gesturing to her to come over.

She jumped off the stage and padded to the door. As soon as she opened it Charlie enveloped her in a hug.

“Hiya!”

“Hi!”

They hugged for a few more seconds before the blonde finally let go.

“I missed you Yaz.”

She said in such a gentle way that all Yaz wanted in that moment was to kiss her. She pushed the thought away.

“You saw me two days ago!”

“Well, that was two days too long!”

The blonde answered, giving Yaz a smile and immediately looking away and inside the studio.

“That’s a lot more bikes than usual.” She noted.

“Yeah… It is…”

And suddenly the nervousness in her gut was back. She crossed her arms to hide her hands and keep them from shaking.

“You okay Yaz?”

There was a concerned tone to her voice, and she reached out to her, freeing one of her hands and taking it in hers, brushing a thumb over her knuckles, in a calming manner that Yaz loved.

“Just a little nervous. Never had to be in front of so many people at the same time. I’m just scared of doing it wrong.”

The hold on her hand tightened and her thumb continued. Charlie hooked a finger under her chin to lift her head gently, so Yaz would look directly at her.

“You won’t do it wrong Yaz.”

“How do you know?”

Charlie sighed.

“To be honest, I don’t. But I know you, and I know how passionate you are about this and I know how much every single person taking this class loves you. I hear the conversations in the lockers. You’re everyone’s favourite.”

Yaz’s heart swelled with relief.

“You’re not lying just to make me feel better, are you?”

She asked in a joking manner, only with the slightest hint of seriousness.

“Yasmin Khan!” Charlie gasped, putting her hand on her chest in a dramatic way. “I would never lie to you.”

Both women laughed and Charlie finally let go of Yaz’s hand, who missed the contact immediately, now feeling the cool air coming out of the studio clinging to her skin where it was previously warm.

“And, if you start feeling nervous you can just look at me. If that helps, of course. I’ll be right in the front row and right in front of you.”

Yaz just looked at her, not knowing exactly what to say cause Charlie was right.

Over the time they had gotten to know each other, Charlie’s presence had become a calming effect on her. Making her constantly forget her surroundings.

The desire of wanting to kiss her had come back in full force and it took everything in Yaz not to act upon it. But although she couldn’t kiss Charlie on the lips, there were no rules for kissing her on the cheek. After all, they were friends above everything else.

So, without giving herself time to overthink it and change her mind, she reached up and placed the softest of kisses on Charlie’s cheek, who immediately went red at the touch.

“Thank you, Charlie.”

Before the blonde had time to answer, Jack appeared at the door.

“Hey, love bird. Let’s start this show.”

***

It had gone flawlessly. No mistakes, no step backs. Just perfectly smooth for a whole hour.

The people were excited. Jack was excited. And Yaz had never felt so happy.

More than once brown eyes had found green, and she was always greeted by the warmest of smiles and encouragement.

At the end of the session, everyone came to greet her and Jack to say how much they had enjoyed it and to ask – no – beg them to repeat the event soon.

After everyone left, and Yaz and Jack were alone, a single tear and a happy smile escaped her. Jack looked at her and bumped their shoulders.

“I’m proud of you, kid.”

///

A few minutes later, Jack had already gone to attend a PT session with one of his clients, Yaz was locking up the bike studio when she spotted Charlie sitting on a sofa in the distance.

She was still in her workout clothes from earlier, her gym bag resting at her feet. Yaz approached her, noticing the blonde was shivering with cold and immediately took off her jacket and put it around Charlie’s shoulders.

“You’re gonna catch a cold.”

She was expecting the blonde to argue, but instead she just smiled, pulling the jacket closer to her.

“Thanks, Yaz.”

Yaz sat down next to her, now feeling a little bit cold herself but she didn’t mind if it meant Charlie was comfortable.

“Why aren’t you in the showers?”

“There’s too many people there. The showers are all occupied and there’s hardly any space to put my things and all.”

Yaz knew what she meant. The changing rooms were definitely not big enough to accommodate the number of people coming to the gym at the same time, especially on days like this, and especially after classes.

Not wanting Charlie to stay here any longer than she should, cold and in risk of getting sick, Yaz had an idea.

She really shouldn’t do it. It wasn’t appropriate.

But none of her other female co-workers were around, so it wasn’t that much of a risk.

She got up.

“Come on, come with me.”

“Where?”

Charlie asked confused, but she got up and followed Yaz, nonetheless.

“You’ll see.”

///

“You have your own locker room?! This is ace!”

Charlie was so enthusiastic about it, Yaz couldn’t help but smile at her.

The space in itself was not as big as the main locker rooms, but it was enough to accommodate Yaz and the three other women that worked with her.

The walls were painted in dark blue. Wooden benches sat on each side of the room with metal lockers embedded on the walls above them. Each locker had a name tag, referring to each of the workers.

On the far-left corner were the toilets and sinks, and to the right there was a small narrow corridor with shower cubicles on each side.

Yaz moved to what was usually her spot, opening her locker to take out her things.

“It’s not just mine, I share it with the other women who work with me. But yes, it’s private to us.”

Charlie put her things down next to Yaz’s.

“And we have to be quick cause they can’t know I let you shower in here.”

She started stripping out of her clothes, oblivious to the look the other woman was giving her.

After being fully naked and wrapped in a towel, Yaz turned around to find Charlie frozen on the spot, mouth slightly opened but not a word coming out. Her eyes were set on, - what was now - Yaz’s covered abs.

“Like what you see?”

She teased. She could see the obvious swallow passing through Charlie’s throat.

“Always.”, was all she could say.

Charlie tried to get closer but predicting it, Yaz took a step back and started walking towards the showers.

“You can use that one.” She pointed to one of the cubicles in the row opposite her. “And be quick.”

Just like that, she entered her own cubicle right at the end of the corridor and turned the hot water on.

***

Not five minutes later, the door of her shower opened, and Charlie stepped in fully naked.

“Charlie, wha-“

“Don’t talk.”

It all happened so fast that Yaz barely even had time to process it. Before she knew it, Charlie was holding her by the waist and pulling her into a wanton kiss.

Yaz was so taken aback by the action that she didn't reciprocate it right away. Not until she felt Charlie's tongue brushing her bottom lip as if asking for access. And as expected, Yaz didn't deny it.

As soon as Charlie’s tongue went past full lips, the hold on her waist tightened and Yaz felt herself being pushed backwards until her back hit wet tiles. One of her hands immediately cupping the back of Charlie's neck to pull her closer, while the other had a tight grip on her forearm.

And they kept on kissing. With every crash of lips and Charlie's tongue swirling all around inside her mouth, exploring every inch of it, Yaz was turning to putty at her mercy with each second.

When the blonde finally broke the kiss (but not without gently biting Yaz’s lower lip first), they were both hot and wanting.

The hot water from the shower suddenly felt too cold against her burning skin.

Charlie's hands moved from her hips, roaming up and down Yaz’s perfect figure.

"Charlie... We're at the gym..."

Charlie looked at her then, finding Yaz’s eyes and all Yaz could see in Charlie's were full blown pupils, the thinnest of colours on the edges. Eyes burning with desire and want. When she grinned at Yaz, a look moving from her eyes to her lips and then her neck, Yaz knew she was done for.

Before doing anything else however, Charlie sought out Yaz’s consent.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Yaz’s head screamed “Y _es, we need to stop. We're at my work, someone might come in at any moment”._ But the tension building up in her core, the wetness forming between her legs that was definitely _not_ just water… They had other plans.

So, before she could allow herself to change her mind and before she let her brain take charge, she simply said "Don’t stop."

And so – like a hunter who had finally caught it’s prey in a trap after waiting for so, _so_ , long, –Charlie dived in, attaching her lips to Yaz’s neck she began trailing kisses down its length leaving dark marks with each step.

At the same time as she grazed her teeth along Yaz’s pulsing point, her left hand cupped one of her breasts. Taking a nipple between thumb and forefinger, her lips now reaching to Yaz’s collarbones.

Charlie pulled away for only a second, already leaving Yaz in need of more.

She didn't have to wait long; the next thing she knew Charlie took a nipple into her mouth and at the same time she started pinching the other between her fingers.

Yaz’s hand went up from behind her neck to curl around blonde locks, pulling her closer in need of more contact, more friction, just more of _something_.

Charlie's tongue swirled around a hard nipple, sucking on it, while her right hand found her backside, grabbing it at full force.

Charlie's mouth moved to her unattended breast, giving it as much attention as the previous one. Without stopping her movements at her chest however, she parted Yaz’s legs with one thigh and moved it up, pressing hard against her crotch.

Yaz moaned at the sudden, - but _oh so welcome_ \- pressure and started grinding against Charlie’s thigh in search for more.

“More…” she pleaded.

Detaching her mouth from Yaz’s breast and removing her leg altogether, Yaz knew exactly what she was trying to do and took a deep breath in anticipation.

Charlie rested her head against Yaz’s, forehead against forehead, noses touching and lips so close that they brushed against each other with every word spoken.

When she suddenly felt slender fingers running through her slick folds, she couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her mouth.

“Charlie…”

Still teasing her however, all the blonde did was settle the tips of her fingers against her clit, rubbing small circles so lightly that, if Yaz’s mind wasn’t paying solely attention to the gesture, it would have gone unnoticed.

“What do you want Yasmin?”

Charlie's lips brushed against hers when she spoke, the pressure on her clit increasing only slightly, sending another wave of white-hot heat down Yaz’s core.

“Inside…” was all Yaz could voice before thin lips came crashing against her own while a finger slipped past her entrance making her moan right into the blonde’s mouth.

Yaz’s was grinding against Charlie’s hand, but when that wasn’t enough, she pleaded “More.”

Without having to be asked twice, Charlie slid a second finger inside and started pumping more rapidly. She broke the contact of lips on lips, moving instead to Yaz’s neck, meeting her pulsing point, working expertly to leave another mark there, while her hand groped one of the brunette’s breasts.

Her fingers kept brushing through her walls and Yaz could feel the tension building and building inside her, taking her towards the edge.

“Please Charlie…”

She could practically feel the blonde’s smile against her skin. Letting go of her chest, she slid her hand to the back of Yaz’s thigh and pulled it up to curl around her hip, and slid a third digit inside meeting no friction, Yaz’s walls accommodating immediately to the stretch.

From the new angle, Charlie was able to reach further inside her, pumping her fingers to the knuckle with each thrust. When she kissed the spot just below Yaz’s earlobe (which she knew was sensitive from previous experience), Yaz moaned so loudly she thought for a second if anyone else in the gym had heard her. The only thing keeping her from losing balance was her hold on Charlie’s shoulders and the blonde’s grip on her thigh holding her upright.

“ _Shh,_ come on now Yaz… You don’t want anyone to hear us, do you?” She all but whispered right into Yaz’s ear. All Yaz could do was nod, all vocabulary lost to her.

“Be a good girl for me and be more quiet, okay?” Yaz would never admit to the ridiculous amount of wetness that rushed down between her legs at Charlie’s words. She always knew exactly the right buttons to press and the right thing to say to turn Yaz into a needing mess.

So, when Charlie moved her head down and took a hard nipple into her mouth again, while her thumb found Yaz’s clit and applied pressure there, rubbing hard circles against her nerves, Yaz’s core became rock hard, the fire inside her finally getting ready to spread.

“I’m close… I’m so close…” she spoke right into Charlie’s shoulder, who somehow managed to fasten the pace of her hand even more.

Letting go of Yaz’s breast, and despite the intensity of the moment, Charlie was able to pull Yaz’s head away from her shoulder in the gentlest of ways, so they were facing each other.

Locking eyes with one another, all it took to tip Yaz over the edge was the crashing of their mouths and Charlie’s tongue pushing past her lips. Yaz came.

Like a pin pulled from a grenade, everything in her exploded and she moaned right into Charlie’s mouth, who kept kissing her and kept pumping inside her, riding Yaz through her orgasm.

Yaz’s hold on Charlie’s shoulders had become too tight, her knuckles were white, and she had no doubt there would be marks in the blonde’s pale skin.

When she finally relaxed, Charlie let go of her leg that was still propped up on her hip and balanced Yaz until both her feet were on the ground.

She looked at her and Yaz noticed slight concern on her expression.

“Was that okay? Are you… are you okay?” Yaz softened at the question. How could this woman who just a couple of minutes ago was being so possessive, fucking her and making her come so hard, all of the sudden change to someone so tender and so soft?

It was a nice contrast. And, though she didn’t want to admit it, Yaz couldn’t deny Charlie was starting to make her feel things she didn’t think she’d ever want to feel again.

“That was more than okay, I’m okay.”

They didn’t do kissing, not like this. But she couldn’t help it. So, she reached behind Charlie’s neck with one hand and pulled her in until their lips were brushing against each other in a kiss, Charlie’s hands resting comfortably on her hips.

When she finally pulled away, Charlie was stunned by the action. Simply smiling at her “What was that for?”

Yaz shrugged her shoulders. “Just a thank you.”

Charlie just nodded turning around to wash her face in the water that was still running.

“Don’t you want me to…”, Yaz reached out, legs feeling like jelly, but she wanted to reciprocate what Charlie had just done for her.

Charlie shook her head “That’s okay, you can do it later tonight.”, she gave her a wink and a smirk.

“Do you wanna help wash my hair then?”

The blondes face light up like a Christmas tree at the offer.

“Yasmin Khan, it would be my pleasure.”

***

A few minutes later they both exited the cubicle, giggling like school children and each wrapping themselves in a towel, both completely oblivious to the extra presence in the room.

Not until they turned around and got face to face with Yaz’s co-worker – Bill – who was standing in front of them, towel around her torso with just as a surprised and shocked expression on her face as the two friends.

“Shit.” Was all Yaz could say, Charlie slightly hiding behind her, cheeks turning crimson.

“Oh my god.” Bill burst out laughing, but instead of saying anything else, she simply opened the door to her shower and stepped in.

///

Charlie had gone to get a hot chocolate while Yaz waited at the locker room door for Bill, wanting to make sure she’d talk to her before Bill had the chance to run into anyone else.

When her co-worker finally left the room, Yaz didn’t waste time approaching her.

“Bill, can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

“About me and Charlie, we…. Well… We just…” Yaz didn’t exactly know what to say. How to explain what was going on between them.

As if sensing her distress, Bill punched her shoulder in a friendly way.

“Yaz, it's fine. Honestly.”

Yaz relaxed immediately.

“Are you two dating or…?”

Yaz shook her head “No, we’re just friends… But we… God… I don’t know how to put it. We have fun, that’s just it.”

Bill laughed so loud that everyone who was passing by looked in their direction, Yaz just waved at them in a polite manner.

“Nice one Yaz! Honestly, it’s a good thing you got her first otherwise I would’ve gone for it. She’s pretty fit.”

“Bill!”, Yaz punched her in the arm, with a little more force than Bill had, but still not enough to properly hurt her.

“Ow! Did I lie though?”

Yaz rolled her eyes at her “No, you didn’t. But no one can know, alright?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Thank you.”

Both friends walked side by side to the gym reception, where Charlie was waiting, holding a hot chocolate and what seemed to be a tea for Yaz. She always bought something for Yaz too.

“You do know that never really works right?”

“What doesn’t?”

“That.” She followed Bill’s eyes until they landed on Charlie, sitting with a leg propped over one of the arms on the chair. Yaz couldn’t help but think she looked adorable.

“What you’re doing. Eventually, one of you will fall in love with the other. It’s what always happens.”

Yaz didn’t even realise the smile that was creeping up on her lips at the sight of the blonde.

“Oh shit, it’s happening already isn’t it?”

Bill had the biggest shit eating grin Yaz had ever seen, but all she could do was roll her eyes and shake her head.

“No, we’re friends. What we have it’s good. There’s no feelings.”

“Whatever you say Yaz.” She tapped her on the shoulder. “I have to go back to the office, forgot my laptop.”

“See ya Bill.”

“See ya mate.” She walked a few steps before turning around and practically shouting, luckily there was barely anyone at reception “Oh, by the way! Nice hickey!”.

Just like that Bill disappeared through the door again. Yaz just rolled her eyes, pulling her hoodie up her neck closer to hide what she assumed was a very freshly hickey caused by the blonde earlier, while making her way over to her.

///

Later that night, they had just finished watching a movie and Charlie was eating the remainder of the popcorn, Yaz’s mind kept drifting back to what both Rose and Bill had said.

_“I think you’re perfect for each other. I just don’t think either of you has realised that yet.”_

_“It’s happening already isn’t it?”_

What did they mean?

Before letting herself dwell more on the thought, she got closer to Charlie. She took the bowl away from her hands setting it on the coffee table, earning a protest from the blonde.

“Yaz! I was still eating that!”

Before she even had time to pout, Yaz climbed on her lap and immediately started kissing her neck while her hands went past the hem of her pyjama shirt to grope at tender breasts, evoking a moan from the blonde.

“Do you wanna eat the popcorn, or do you want me to pay you back for the shower earlier?”

Instead of responding, Charlie slide her hands under Yaz’s thighs and, with a surprising amount of strength that didn’t fail to send a shred of white-hot heat down between Yaz’s legs, she lifted them both off the sofa and carried her towards the bedroom.

///

The two friends lay in bed side by side, Yaz’s body was tired from all the day and evening activities.

She was so exhausted she could hardly tell whether she was awake or not. Her brain becoming foggier with each passing second. She felt a body next to her, not touching her though. She and Charlie didn’t do cuddles. But she could tell the blonde was moving around in bed. 

And then she felt it: a kiss being placed tenderly in her temple, followed by seven words. She melted then, sleep threatening to take over her any second now. But this was a dream. It was merely a trick her exhausted brain was playing on her. It had to be, right?

As she felt the other body move once again until it finally seemed to settle, slumber took over Yaz’s entire form. She must have been dreaming already. Otherwise, what else would explain the seven words that filled her dreams that night? Seven words she secretly wanted to hear but was also dreading, cause they could change everything.

_“I’m falling in love with you, Yasmin.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, massive big thanks to my beta hannah for being a star and putting up with me about this fic on a weekly basis x
> 
> kudos and comments deeply appreciated xx


	4. courage & fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz traced a fingertip along Charlie’s collarbones, forcing the blonde to look back at her once again.
> 
> “What’s the matter?” 
> 
> Yaz sighed “I want to tell you something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up that this chapter did not go through a beta (oops) and even tho i read and re-read this hundreds of times there might still be a few spelling mistakes and incoherent sentences but i hope it all makes sense as a whole :))

“Are you sure it isn’t too much?”

“Too much? I can definitely handle more Yaz.”

“Charlie, I’m not sure…”

“Come on! I know I can do more!” She looked up at Yaz and could see a worried expression on her face “And, in the eventual possibility that maybe I can’t, you’ll be right there to help me. Don’t worry about it too much.”

“Ok, fine.” Yaz sighed, accepting defeat. “But if it becomes too much, you’ll let me know asap!”

“It’s a deal.”

Yaz picked up a couple of extra weighted plates, 2kg each for a start, inserting them into the bar while Charlie positioned her hands to lift it. As soon as the plates were in place and secure, Yaz rounded the bench once more to stand behind Charlie and placed her hands in place, just shy of the bar next to the blonde’s, to assist her immediately if the extra weight proved to be too much.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Taking a deep breath, Charlie lifted the bar from it’s standing position, lowering it slowly until it came just shy of her chest. Yaz getting momentarily distracted by the way her arms flexed and by the amount of strength Charlie was exhibiting. Pushing the thought away, she focused back on the task at hand.

“Ok, don’t forget to breathe out when you push it back up.”

And so, Charlie did; straightening her arms and lifting the bar in the air with only the slightest tremble of her muscles, she held it above her for a couple of seconds before returning the metal object to it’s original place, with a loud exhausted sigh.

“See? Told ya I could handle it.” She said to Yaz, with a smirk on her lips followed by a wink.

Yaz rolled her eyes with a simple “Whatever.”, handing Charlie her water bottle when this one got up from the bench, wiping the sweat out of her forehead with a towel.

“That’s it for today’s session. Do you wanna do a bit of running before stretching?”

“Yes, I’d love that.”

***

Yaz had left Charlie to her run while she went up to the kitchen to grab some coffee. She knew Charlie enjoyed doing the running part on her own, so she could lose herself in the music pumping through her earphones.

She was finishing drinking her coffee when her phone vibrated on her leggings pocket. She took it out to find she had a new message from her sister.

_Sonya [1:33pm]: Mum wants to know if you’re coming to lunch on Sunday_

_Fuck_. She had completely forgot about it. It was Easter and even though they didn’t celebrate, they always got together to enjoy each other’s company. And it was the start of Yaz’s week off, so she had promised them she’d be there for sure. But she had also promised Charlie that they would spend the day together.

Was it too much to ask Charlie to go with her? Was it stepping over a line to introduce her to her family? Surely not. Her family knew Jack, and Ryan and Bill and they were all just friends. Certainly, they wouldn’t just assume Charlie was anything more than just that… right? Although she could already sense that questions were to be expected.

Nonetheless, she left the message unanswered until she had the time to ask Charlie properly.

When she got back to the cardio room with a fresh recharge of caffeine in her system, she was surprised to see that Charlie was engaged in a conversation with Bill.

Yaz approached them at the same time Charlie was coming to a stop on the treadmill.

“All done then?”

Both women seemed startled at Yaz’s arrival.

“Hi Yaz!” Bill said with the biggest grin. “Charlie was just telling me how you two met.”

Yaz looked sideways at Charlie, the blonde seeming guilty and giving her an apologetic smile.

“You should’ve told me it was that night! Does Jack know?”

Yaz shook her head “No. He only saw her from the back, so he doesn’t know it was her.”

“Hm.” Was all Bill said. Yaz could only be grateful that Bill never made any further comments about their relationship and was fulfilling Yaz’s request of keeping quiet about it with the rest of the staff. She was one of Yaz’s closest and most trusted friends for a reason.

She bid her goodbyes to the two friends, heading to the free weights section to start her own workout, while Yaz and Charlie went to the stretching area.

Charlie was in the middle of stretching one of her triceps when she noticed that Yaz was being awfully quiet. She reached out to her and spoke gently “Are you okay Yaz? Did I do something wrong? Should I have not told Bill that we met at the bar?”

Yaz looked at her, her face immediately softening when she noticed how worried Charlie seemed.

“No Charlie don’t worry about it. I trust Bill, it’s perfectly fine.”

The blonde seemed to relax almost instantly.

“What’s on your mind then?”

Yaz sighed “I agreed to have lunch with my family on Sunday… but I also agreed to spend the day with you…”

Charlie just looked at her, not saying a word, allowing Yaz to gather her thoughts and say whatever was on her mind (not like she was understanding where Yaz was going anyway).

“So, I was wondering, if maybe… Well… If maybe you would wanna come? To have lunch with my family I mean.”

Charlie’s face light up at the invite, like a kid who had just been told they could have ice cream for dinner.

She reached out enveloping Yaz in a bear hug, instantly pulling away when she remembered she was all sweaty and in very much need of a shower.

“Yaz, I would absolutely love to come! Lunch at Yaz’s? Amazing!”

Yaz chuckled at her friend, picking up her notepad to close the day’s session.

“That’s great, I’ll let them know you’re coming.”

“Brilliant!”

Grabbing Yaz’s wrist and lifting it to take a look at the time on her watch, Charlie sighed.

“Well, as much as I would like to stay, I really need to get going if I still wanna have a proper meal before class.”

Both women walked to the door of the locker rooms together, occasionally brushing shoulders. Yaz couldn’t care less about the fact that Charlie had a thick layer of sweat coating her body.

“I’ll see you tonight?”

“Definitely, yes!”

“Your place or mine?”

Charlie pondered for a moment, until something flashed in her eyes as a little smile appeared on her face.

“Can we go to mine? There’s a new pizza place that just opened across the street. Thought maybe we could give it a try?”

Yaz smiled at her, she didn’t feel like cooking and pizza sounded amazing. The thought alone was enough to make her stomach rumble, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten in a while.

“Sounds good. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“Brilliant! See ya later then. Bye Yaz!” She said already getting a hold of the door handle and pulling it open.

“Enjoy your classes!”

“Thanks!”

Just like that the blonde entered the locker room and Yaz made her way to the staff kitchen, while texting a quick reply to her sister.

_Yaz [2:17pm]: Count me in. And I’m bringing a friend._

///

The drive to Yaz’s parents was just an hour away, and not wanting to be limited by bus hours, Yaz had decided that she would drive them there.

The ride was pleasant with the occasional conversation about general things and their plans for the following week. Charlie took charge of the music choice (luckily, her music taste wasn’t that much different from Yaz’s, so she could handle it).

They were just a few minutes away when Yaz noticed that Charlie had started fidgeting with her hands and her leg was bouncing. A nervous tick that by now, Yaz knew all too well.

Concern rising inside her, Yaz turned down the music volume so she could be heard more clearly.

“Hey, Charlie. What’s wrong?”

When the blonde didn’t answer, clearly distracted by the outside view of the car window, Yaz placed a hand on her thigh to try and still it, finally catching Charlie’s attention.

“Hm?”

“I was asking what’s wrong.” She removed her hand from Charlie’s thigh and this one started bouncing again almost immediately.

“Oh… Hm… I was just wondering if your parents… Well… Do they know that you’re…?” She didn’t say anything else, hoping that Yaz could fill the gaps in her question.

When realization dawned on her, she laughed a little. How come she and Charlie, in all this time, hadn’t discussed this yet?

“You’re asking me if they know that I’m gay?”

“Well, yes… Do they?”

She laughed. It was a perfectly valid question, and Yaz couldn’t help but feel a little touched at the fact that Charlie was worried about it.

“Yeah, I came out to them when I was 16. They know.” She looked sideways at Charlie for only one second before focusing back on the road ahead “Why are you asking anyway?”

Charlie shrugged her shoulders “Just wondering, is all. Didn’t really wanna say anything that could out you, ya know… It wouldn’t be very nice and could make things uncomfortable for you and ruin this whole day.”

Yaz soften at that. She loved how thoughtful Charlie was “Thank you Charlie, for worrying about it.”

“You’re welcome Yasmin.”

The blonde’s leg stopped bouncing, her hands stopped fidgeting, and she returned her attention to the view outside, humming along to the song that was currently playing.

***

A few minutes later, they pulled up outside the Khan’s apartment complex. That’s when Yaz noticed that Charlie (possibly very distracted), had been picking at her cuticles and there was now a thin shred of blood running down her finger.

Yaz sprang to action immediately. “Charlie, your finger!” The blonde hadn’t seemed to notice until Yaz had mentioned it. Yaz took Charlie’s hand and wrapped her bloodied finger in a napkin, fishing out the mini first-aid kit she kept in the glove compartment at all times. She covered up the small wound with a yellow bandaged, much to Charlie’s liking.

“Thanks, Yaz.” The blonde said with a smile, like nothing had happened.

Yaz sighed “Anything else on your mind?”

Charlie chewed her bottom lip, which told Yaz she did have something on her mind and was considering whether or not to voice it. Luckily, she did.

“Do your parents know that we’re having sex?” She asked bluntly.

Yaz should have expected Charlie to ask this question, really. Yaz had told her how close she was with her family, especially her mum, so it was only understandable that the blonde would think that Yaz had at some point, mention the nature of their relationship to her mother.

If Yaz was being honest with herself, she had thought about it. Numerous times when she was on the phone with her mum and told her how she had spent the day with Charlie (again), her mother would ask questions. As one is always to expect. So Yaz had thought about just telling her the truth.

But after what had happened with her previous relationship, Yaz didn’t want anyone to know. Not that this was even a relationship. But she didn’t want anyone’s opinion on it, she didn’t want anyone to even consider the possibility that Charlie could be anything like him. She didn’t want judgment, especially not from her own mother, who was now more protective than ever about who Yaz chose to date.

Not that she and Charlie were dating anyway.

“They don’t know, no. I thought about telling my mum, but then I decided not to.” She sighed. “And I don’t really want to tell them, cause well… Not like its their business anyway who I’m sleeping with. If this was a proper relationship it’d be different, but like this… There’s just no point in them knowing.”

Charlie just nodded and Yaz noticed a swallow down her throat but didn’t make anything of it. “They might ask you a few questions though, about you and your life and stuff. Just to get to know a bit better… Are you okay with that?”

The blonde looked at her, and Yaz could noticed the slight hint of worry in her eyes. Yaz should have given a heads up to her family and ask them to keep the personal question’s to Charlie to a limited extent.

“How much have you told them about me?”

“That you’re a science teacher and that I’m your personal trainer.”

She started fidgeting with her hands again, picking at the brand-new yellow bandage.

“Are they gonna ask about my family?” She asked in almost a whisper.

Yaz couldn’t help but feel for her. Charlie had trusted her with the story about her past and about her parents so, of course she had not mentioned anything about it to her own family, but she could predict they were gonna ask questions about it.

“I don’t know… But hey...” She took Charlie’s hands in hers and lowered her head, forcing the blonde to look at her “If they ask anything you don’t wanna answer, you can just reach out to me, and I’ll change the subject okay?”

Charlie nodded and gave her a little smile.

“Thanks, Yaz.”

“Of course. They probably won’t ask you anything too specific, but just in case.”

She let go of Charlie’s hands and they exited the car, heading towards the building.

///

Lunch had been going quite well, so far. They would make casual conversation, mostly about Yaz’s work and what her family had been up to. Yaz’s parents had been more than happy to welcome Charlie into their home and have her joining them.

Yaz’s dad, Hakim, had made his famous pakora dish to celebrate (with a lot of extra help from her mum, Najia). Her sister, Sonya, surprisingly had kept quiet the entire time since they had arrived, which Yaz suspected was her mother’s doing. She had probably told Sonya to be nice, and so, Sonya had decided not to say anything at all.

They were halfway through their meals when the conversation switched to Charlie.

“So, Charlie. Yaz told us you’re a science teacher?” Najia asked, while taking a sip from her drink.

“Yeah, I teach the younger years at the Darillium Middle School and I also tutor a handful of students from Sheffield High School part-time.”

Najia seemed quite impressed “That’s really good! You must be a good teacher.”

Charlie chuckled “I like to believe so, yeah.”

“And Yaz is your personal trainer, isn’t that right?” Hakim continued.

From the corner of her eye, Yaz saw Charlie glancing at her for only a short second “Yeah, she is. She’s amazing.”

“That’s our Yaz alright.” He smiled proudly at his daughter “I bet she pushes it into you really hard, huh?”

Yaz was in the middle of chewing a forkful of food when she chocked, Charlie immediately lifting her hand to tap on her back, handling her a glass of water. All the while, all that could be heard were Sonya’s hysterical laughs.

“What?” Hakim asked confused “Isn’t that how the saying goes?”

“It’s just ‘pushes you really hard’, love. Not ‘into you’.” Najia explained. Hakim nodded, looking back at the two friends who seemed to have settled. Sonya kept on laughing, immediately stopping when Najia gave her a stern look.

Each of them took another bite of food, before Najia spoke again “So Charlie, anyone special in your life? A partner?”

Yaz looked at her, curious to see what the blonde was gonna say or what her choice of words would be.

“Kinda, nothing serious though.” She looked back at Yaz, a slight smirk on her lips before returning her attention to Najia, who was looking between them with a raised eyebrow, and Yaz could already predict what her next question would be.

“Are you two seeing each other?”

Yaz cut into the conversation, not giving Charlie enough time to answer. She knew her mother better than anyone, it was best to set things straight right away.

“No. We’re friends. _Just_ friends. There’s nothing going on between us.” Even though her mother didn’t seem fully convinced, she didn’t press any further, dropping the subject.

She trusted her daughter, and she knew if there was something going on and Yaz hadn’t told her it was because she wasn’t ready. Even though she was very protective of her, wanting nothing more than her happiness and make sure whoever she shared her life with was worthy of her, she also knew better than demand for information her daughter didn’t want to give. Yaz would come to her eventually.

“Did you grow up around here?” Charlie stopped her fork midway to her mouth at the question, dropping it on the plate right after. Yaz noticed that her leg was bouncing slightly, but she hadn’t reach out, so Yaz gave her the time to decide what to do.

After a few seconds, Charlie shook her head and looked at Najia.

“No. I were born in London, but I was raised in the Yorkshire area for most of my childhood and teen years. And then I moved back to London for a few years to live with my brother and attend university, and after that I just decided to move to Sheffield.”

“Do your parents still live there or are they closer to here?”

Yaz knew it was an innocent question, there was no way her mother would guess the impact asking such a thing could cause on Charlie. Nevertheless, sometimes she wished her mother wouldn’t be so curious.

Charlie’s leg started bouncing more rapidly, and Yaz could noticed that her breathing was picking up a little. Without thinking twice, she placed her hand on top of her friend’s thigh to calm her down, the effect being almost instant. Nobody seemed to notice besides Sonya, but she didn’t comment on it, getting distracted by her phone that started vibrating on top of the table.

“Mum, I think that’s enough questions.” She said in a defensive manner, which took her mother by surprise. But Charlie placed her hand on top of Yaz’s and shook her head.

“That’s okay Yaz, its fine. Honestly. But thanks.” She turned her attention back to Najia. “My parents aren’t really around anymore. Social services took me and my brother away from them, and I was raised in the foster system. Which is why I moved around a lot.”

Najia covered her mouth with her hand in a shocked expression, regret clouding her eyes “Oh, I’m so sorry Charlie. I shouldn’t have asked.”

Charlie gave her the biggest smile of the day so far, which seemed to relax Najia immediately, though Yaz could see there was a hint of sadness in it. She let go of Yaz’s hand, and this one, let go of her thigh.

“That’s okay Yaz’s mum. No problem at all.”

///

After their lunch and desert – which much to Charlie’s delight, it had been chocolate cake – Hakim and Najia decided to go for a walk and enjoy the rare sunny weather at this time of the year.

Having eaten too much though, Charlie had a mild stomach ache and politely refused the walk, which meant that so did Yaz.

The two friends were sat on opposite ends of the sofa watching television, while Sonya sat next to them on one of the single chairs with her eyes fixed on her phone, not paying any attention to her surroundings as usual.

When Charlie made a small whimper as if in pain, Yaz immediately turned to her, concern filling her whole body.

“Are you okay?” She said in a whisper, hoping not to get much of her sister’s attention.

“I’m king of okay Yaz, just a little stomach ache that’s all.” She said, while another small hint of pain flashed through her face, which did not go unnoticed by Yaz.

“Do you want a cuppa? It might help.”

Charlie considered for a moment, before nodding “That would be lovely, thanks.”

***

While Yaz busied herself in the kitchen, Charlie kept on watching tv. However, after a while she felt herself under Sonya’s gaze and started to feel a little awkward at the silence between them and tried to think of something to say.

When she opened her mouth to speak, Sonya cut in.

“So-“

“Are you dating with my sister?”

Charlie just looked at the young girl, completely taken aback by the sudden question and not entirely sure of what to answer.

“No, we’re just…” She cleared her throat, trying to sound convincing “No. We’re friends. _Just_ friends. That’s it.”

“Hm… That’s interesting.” Sonya said with nothing but a smirk, looking briefly to the kitchen to see that Yaz was already pouring the tea into a mug.

“What’s interesting?” Charlie asked confused.

“The fact that both you and Yaz have the intense need of highlighting the fact that you’re _just_ friends.”

“Bu- But we are.” She stuttered, though she knew she didn’t sound convincing at all.

“Whatever you say.” Sonya smirked “Just don’t hurt her, alright? She’s already gone through enough.”

Sonya sounded serious this time, and Charlie couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. Whatever had happened to Yaz in the past, it was foreign territory to her. Yaz had not yet told her about it, and Charlie had no intentions of pressuring her. She knew Yaz would tell her when she felt comfortable enough for it. Until then, all Charlie could do was be patient, being fully aware that Yaz might never even tell her. She didn’t owe Charlie an explanation.

“I won’t.”

With that, Sonya’s eyes went back to focus on her phone screen at the same time Yaz handed Charlie a cup of tea, smelling of honey and lemon. Charlie sighed happily at the scent, taking a sip immediately and burning her tongue in the process, with a small hiss of pain.

Sonya laughed and Yaz rolled her eyes affectionately.

“Don’t you dare saying it, Yasmin Khan.”

But really, how could she resist?

“You’re an idiot, Charlie Smith.”

They looked at each other while smiling, with Sonya in the background imitating gag noises.

***

As expected, after drinking not just one, but two cups of tea with unhealthy amounts of sugar, Charlie was in much need of a bathroom.

“First door on the right.”

“Thanks, Yaz.”

She left the room, leaving the two sisters in each other’s company for the first time that day.

“How’s the job Son?” She hoped that would be a good conversation starter, seeing that her sister didn’t seem to be in a mood to talk.

“Got sacked.”

“Again?!”

“I don’t like people, Yaz. They’re annoying.”

Yaz rolled her eyes, this was the third job in less than 4 months. “What are you gonna do now?”

Sonya sighed, and Yaz could sense something was bothering her “Son, what’s the matter?”

Her little sister moved from the chair to sit in the sofa next to Yaz, she wasn’t looking at her and Yaz could see her searching through some emails on her phone until she finally seemed to have found what she was looking for. She handed the device to Yaz.

“I’ve got an offer from a uni in London… It’s not definitive yet, but it’s a start.”

Yaz read the e-mail and then looked at her, not quite believing what she was hearing “Sonya, that’s amazing! Do mum and dad know? They haven’t mentioned anything.”

“No, I haven’t told them yet.” She sounded worried “London is very expensive Yaz… I’m not really sure how I will do it.”

Yaz understood what her sister meant. Nevertheless, she wouldn’t let money get in the way of Sonya following her dreams, especially, when this was the first time, she seemed to have an idea of what to do with her future.

“Sonya, if money is the problem, I can help you know?” Yaz meant it. She had been lucky enough in her career to always get a bit of extra money at the end of the month. Even though she was saving it for traveling, she’d be more than happy to give it up to help her little sister. She had enough time in her life to travel. Right now, getting Sonya to university was more important.

“No, Yaz.” Sonya refused politely, without hesitation “You worked hard for that money, and this is not your responsibility. I have a job interview next week, and if I get it promise I will work harder not to lose it. And when the time comes, I’ll be more comfortable to move to London. And I’m gonna have student loans too, so it should be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Yaz looked at her sister, pride filling her chest and eyes becoming glossy with tears. Here was this young girl, who she had seen grow up to become a strong and determined woman, who didn’t take crap from anyone. Yes, they bickered and annoyed each other most of the times, but that’s what sisters do. Yaz would always see Sonya as her little sister, that would never change. But in this moment, all she could see was a brilliant woman who was finally taking charge of her life, and Yaz couldn’t feel prouder.

She put an arm around her sister and pulled her into a hug.

“I’m really proud of you.”

Sonya scoffed, but hugged Yaz back anyway.

After a moment, they broke apart, Yaz wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Gosh, that Charlie girl is turning you into a right sap.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sonya gave her a raised eyebrow “Come on Yaz, I’m not blind. I saw the way you two were at the table.” She sat back in the chair “And Charlie kinda gave it away while you were making tea.”

Yaz sighed, not really sure what to say and looking over her shoulder for any signs of Charlie. She was still in the bathroom. She looked back at her sister.

“Son, me and her-“

“Yaz, I don’t care. It’s none of my business how you decide to spend your time and with who.” Her phone vibrated in her hand, distracting her momentarily, but she dismissed it “Just don’t lie to yourself.”

Yaz pinched her eyebrows together in confusion “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, that you might tell other people you’re _just_ friends. You probably have said it so many times, you even started to believe it yourself. But I know you, I know there’s something more going on, even if you’re not admitting it.”

Yaz was incredulous. Her sister was now the third person to hint that something deeper was going on between her and Charlie. And Yaz was starting to get confused, and also quite tired, that no one would explain themselves properly.

“I don’t know what you mean….”

“I think you do Yaz. And listen, I will never admit to this in a million years, but Charlie seems pretty great, and you seem happy with her. So, you better get it together and tell her how you feel before someone else comes along.”

Yaz shook her head and laughed “We’re friends Son. That’s just it. It’s easier that way.”

“Whatever you say Yaz.” She unlocked her phone when this vibrated with another notification “Your girlfriend’s back.”

Looking back over her shoulder, Yaz saw Charlie approach the sofa. Brown eyes locking on green, both women’s lips immediately forming into a smile at the sight.

///

Charlie slumped down next to Yaz on the bed, letting the vibrator fall to the floor. Both of them breathing heavily (it had been an intense hour after all).

She rolled over to face Yaz and removed a strand of hair that was clinging to the sweat on her forehead, while covering them both with the sheets “You alright?”

Yaz looked at her then, - in the dim light of the room, a shred of sweat running down her forehead, the knowledge that this woman was fully naked next to her, - she looked ethereal. Yaz had no doubt Charlie was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. In all her forms, in all the light, no matter what she was doing. Charlie was incredibly gorgeous.

She thought back to the night they met at the bar, remembering she had had the same exact thought. If someone had told her then, that five months later they would still be here in bed together, she would’ve laugh.

“I’m fine. That was amazing.” Charlie grinned and returned the smile. Exhaustion was suddenly hitting her, and she yawned.

“We should probably get some sleep.” Charlie said while rolling over to look up at the ceiling, contemplating the plastic glowing stars glued to it.

Yaz traced a fingertip along Charlie’s collarbones, forcing the blonde to look back at her once again.

“What’s the matter?”

Yaz sighed “I want to tell you something.”

Charlie took a hold of Yaz’s hand that was now resting on her shoulder but didn’t dare to say anything else, allowing Yaz to take a few deep breathes.

She knew it was time to tell Charlie about him, everything that had happened. What he did and how it made her feel so little and insignificant, like the love she had to offer wasn’t good enough and how that had led her to believe that it was never going to be enough for anyone, for anything. How that’s the reason she can’t do relationships anymore, because deep down she’s always afraid that everyone she lets into her life will turn out to be like him, even if they didn’t seem like the type. After all, neither did he, at first.

She wanted to tell Charlie, she did. But what was the point? They were not in a relationship, Charlie wasn’t her girlfriend. There was never going to be any risk of Charlie hurting her like that, cause they were never going to be anything more than just friends. Were they? _No._ They couldn’t. Things were good like this, they had been good like this since day one. Why ruin that with a relationship?

She decided to keep it to herself then. Maybe one day she would find a reason to tell her about it.

But that day was not today.

“Just… Thank you. For being my friend.”

Charlie tenderly kissed Yaz’s knuckles, immediately letting go of her hand.

“Thank you for being mine Yaz.”

They smiled and got up to put some pyjamas on before getting back into bed, facing away from each other.

Charlie turned off the lamp on the nightstand, and Yaz could hear her sigh heavily.

“Goodnight Yaz.”

Deciding not to make anything of it other than just the fact the blonde was probably exhausted, she pulled the sheets closer to her, feeling a little cold.

“Goodnight Charlie.”

///

Yaz was woken up the next day by the sound of music coming from the kitchen. Looking over to the spot next to her in bed, she noticed she was alone. Meaning the music was Charlie’s doing. She couldn’t be angry though, not when the smell of whatever her friend was cooking in the kitchen was suddenly reaching her nose.

Stretching her whole body and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she got up and headed towards the melody, she could just make out a few of the lyrics.

_'Cause I knew  
The first day that I met you  
I was never gonna let you  
Let you slip away_

Upon entering the kitchen however, Yaz had to stop dead in her tracks to take in the sight in front of her.

Charlie was wearing her usual pink pyjama shorts and what seemed to be one of Yaz’s mustard yellow hoodies, her hair was dishevelled (she clearly still hadn’t brushed it since waking up), and she was dancing around the counter and the stove, completely absent minded from the world and completely unaware that Yaz was watching her.

She looked adorable and she looked pretty, and Yaz wanted nothing more than to reach behind her and curl her own arms around Charlie’s waist while kissing her on the neck.

She had to push the thought away (something that was becoming harder and harder each time), approaching her friend who still hadn’t notice her.

She cleared her throat to get Charlie’s attention, who looked at her a second later and immediately met her with a smile.

“Morning Yaz! Did you sleep okay? I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Yaz reached for her fridge, pulling the door open to take out a fresh bottle of water and took a sip.

“No, you didn’t, don’t worry.” Charlie went back to her cooking task, and Yaz got closer to peak over her shoulder “You’re making pancakes?! Since when you know how to make pancakes?!”

Charlie looked back at her, and Yaz could see her cheeks growing pink “Rose taught me last week, wanted to make something nice for you.”

Yaz soften at that and the urge to curl her arms around Charlie and slip her palms under her hoodie was back. Instead of acting upon it – because honestly, how could she? – Yaz instead took a step back and returned the water bottle to the fridge.

“Just sit there and I’ll bring the pancakes in a minute.”

Yaz nodded and did what she was told, sitting down at the kitchen island, and pouring orange juice into a glass.

Charlie had gone back to dancing, moving her hips at the sound of the music, and humming along to the lyrics.

_You make my heart feel like it's summer  
When the rain is pouring down  
You make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong  
That's how I know you are the one_

Yaz could picture it. Countless mornings spent like this with each other, Charlie making pancakes or vice versa, a melody in the background, laughs and life shared between them.

_Love._

That’s when she realised. It hit her like a wave hits the sand washing away all doubts and fears she’d been holding thus far, for _so,_ so many months now. Everything made sense.

There was no point in fighting it anymore, and even though she was nowhere near ready to admit it, she couldn’t deny it any longer, not to herself.

She thought back to the seven words she had heard just a few weeks ago. _“I’m falling in love with you, Yasmin.”_ Those dream like words she so much wanted to hear from the person in question, but she knew it was only her exhausted subconscious playing tricks on her, or maybe it was telling her how she already felt even back then.

As the next segment of the song started, expressing everything she’d been refusing to feel, she finally allowed herself the thought she so forcefully had been avoiding.

_You know I never ever believed in love_  
I believed one day that you would come along  
And free me

She was _in_ love with Charlie Smith.

And it felt wonderful. It felt like freedom. It felt like courage.

And for the first time, it felt like fear.

Cause what kind of love would this be if she wasn’t afraid to lose it before it even had a chance to bloom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is from kodaline and is called "the one" ;)
> 
> no update next week as i like to keep them on saturday and the next one is a bit tricky for personal reasons (sorry!!) but i promise and HOPE the next chapter is worth the 2 week gap!!
> 
> as always kudos and comments are very deeply appreciated xx


	5. it was never meant to be this deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY ARE BAAACCKKKK!!! i've genuinely been so excited about sharing this one (and the next two tbh) 
> 
> and as always a big massive thanks to my beta hannah for proof reading this, you are an absolute star and i appreciate the time you take for this so much x
> 
> enjoy!! :))

Charlie’s front was pressed on top of the desk. Her legs were parted and Yaz had a tight grip on her hips, thrusting the toy inside her at a fast pace.

They had been at this for a while. Every time Charlie got close to reaching her climax, Yaz would pull out, leaving Charlie a panting and needing mess, who was being denied the pleasure she so much wanted.

Her brain was being turned to putty, her moans echoed through every wall in the house. She was surprised the neighbours hadn’t come around yet (as had happened once before), she supposed they must have gone out.

Every time her breathing was starting to even out again, Yaz would push the silicone inside her once more, her walls immediately stretching around the intrusion. And the fast pace began again. Her moans growing louder and louder each time.

At one point she tried to muffle them, biting down on her arm. But Yaz was quicker and immediately lifted the blonde’s head off her arm “I want to hear you Charlie, or you’re not coming at all.” And really, did she have any other choice?

It was becoming harder to hold on each time. Yaz was good, she was _so good_. Charlie cursed her friend’s stamina (probably came with her job), and how she didn’t seem to be getting tired at all, moving in earnest more and more each time.

When Charlie felt breasts pressing against her back, full lips attaching to her neck sucking harshly at a tender spot, and a hand roaming around her hip to press two fingers to her clit and rub circles there – she couldn’t hold on any longer.

“ _Yaz…_ ”

She knew she should tell her she’s close. But Yaz hadn’t given any hint that she would let Charlie come yet. She wouldn’t risk being left on the edge one more time. So, she kept quiet, the only sounds coming out of her were loud breaths. She would come when Yaz least expected and then she’d be able to switch their positions and take her instead. Make her needy and wanting and desperate for release, the same way Yaz was making her.

Or so she thought.

Maybe it was a more high-pitched groan she made, maybe Yaz felt her whole-body tense beneath her, maybe she was studying Charlie’s face so closely she could tell the wave was about to crash. Maybe it was all of that at the same time. Cause when Charlie’s walls started clenching around the toy, ready to let go, ready to finally experience the delightful volcanic orgasm she so craved… Yaz pulled all the way out and took a step back.

“Yaz... No! You can’t!”

Charlie straightened up and as soon as she turned around, Yaz’s lips came crashing into hers, making her melt once again. She could feel the toy applying pressure where she was most needing it, and so without even realising, she started grinding against it. Until Yaz grabbed her by the hips to keep her still, a devilish grin on her face.

“You really think you could come without me noticing?”

Charlie swallowed hard. Honestly, how could she think Yaz wouldn’t know? In the nearly six months they had been together they had gotten to know each other’s bodies better than anyone else’s. They knew each other’s weak spots, they knew where to apply pressure and where to give attention to evoke the sounds they wanted from one another. They knew what made each other wet and needy and begging. They knew exactly what to do to make each other come hard in a way no one else could, because no one else knew them this well.

So of course, Yaz would know when Charlie was about to come. She had seen and heard it so many times, she could always tell the signs.

“I just…” She looked down at her feet, sparing a glance at the wet purple toy attached to Yaz’s hips, without really knowing what to say. “I just wanted to come Yaz, for you. That’s all I ever want. To be good for you.”

Yaz studied her. Had she gone too far denying Charlie her climax? Was Charlie not enjoying it as much as she thought? Maybe it was too much. Maybe Yaz had pushed her too hard, had taken it too far. Charlie hadn’t used the safe word, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t going to.

Regret started filling Yaz’s entire being. She was about to apologise, to pull Charlie into a hug and tell her how sorry she was for making her suffer like that (even though she was only doing it to provide Charlie with even more pleasure).

But as she was about to make a move, Charlie looked up at her with a filthy smirk on her face.

“Have I told you how hot you look wearing that?” She glanced down at Yaz’s hips. Yaz felt her cheeks growing hot – whether that was from the activity they were just induced in or the compliment – she didn’t know (likely, it was both).

Charlie took a small step closer, cupping one hand behind Yaz’s neck to pull her into a wet kiss, while the other hand grabbed the silicone toy and started jerking it slowly. Yaz’s attention was called towards the movement, and as soon as she set sight on it, she let out a quiet curse. Charlie seemed to have noticed, if the way she started moving her hand faster was anything to go by.

Yaz was mesmerized, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from it. The way that Charlie moved her hand along her like that, was something so hot that it burned everything inside Yaz, she felt herself growing increasingly wet at the sight.

“ _Fuck_ … Charlie.”

Charlie stopped her movements and pressed their foreheads together “Let me be good for you, Yaz. _Please…”_

Yaz smirked and took a step back, recomposing herself and regaining control of the situation.

“You wanna be good for me is that it?”

Charlie nodded “Yes! That’s all I ever want.”

Yaz sat on the bed and leaned back against the headboard until she was in a nearly sitting position, the toy magnificently exposed and still wet with Charlie’s arousal.

“Sit here.” She said stroking the toy slowly and Charlie’s hard swallow was noticeable, even with their distance.

And so, Charlie did. Climbing on top of Yaz, one leg on each side of Yaz’s hips, she held her shoulders for leverage while Yaz held her hips to help her angle her entrance to the tip of the toy. When it was all in position, Charlie started lowering herself. The toy sank inside her like a knife through butter, meeting no friction. Yaz watched the purple object disappear inch by inch until it reached the hilt, and their hips were moulded together.

It was a beautiful sight. Times like this Yaz wished the toy was telepathic, so she could feel herself inside Charlie. As it is, this will have to do. And _oh,_ she wasn’t complaining at all.

When Charlie didn’t seem to wanna move, having her eyes shut and lips slightly parted, Yaz grew a little worried.

“You okay?” Unconsciously, she gently drew circles on Charlie’s hip with her thumb, immediately stopping when she realised what she was doing.

The blonde nodded and opened her eyes, finally seeing how well she and Yaz fit together “Fuck… Yeah, I’m fine, just… New position, feels different is all.”

Yaz nodded, keeping a hold on Charlie’s waist, and started kissing her chest. When Yaz closed her mouth around a hard nipple, Charlie arched her back into it and started moving, rocking against the toy. Yaz looked up with a slight smile as a way of encouragement. Charlie lifted herself off Yaz until she was halfway through the toy, before sinking back in. A quiet moan escaping her mouth. Relief, pleasure, lust and all the good things in between.

She repeated the motion three more times before she started increasing the pace. The new position enabled the toy to sink further and further inside her, reaching parts of her walls where nothing (and no one) had touched before. She had never felt so full. And she was full of Yaz and _Yaz alone_.

While Charlie was riding her, Yaz put her mouth to good use and sucked on a pink and hard nipple, swirling her tongue around it in a motion she knew Charlie loved. When she grazed her teeth slightly on a peak, Charlie tipped her head back and she let out a pleasant and filthy moan. Yaz could tell she was already getting there and moved to the other breast.

Charlie started moving faster and Yaz started thrusting her hips along with her to help her reach her climax more rapidly, meeting Charlie with every rock of her hips.

“You’re doing so well, Charlie. Keep going.”

“ _Yaz…”_

Yaz cupped the blonde’s neck to pull her closer, attaching her lips to her jugular, where her vein was pumping fast in her skin. Charlie’s forehead rested on the crook of Yaz’s neck and Yaz could feel her hot breath against her skin.

When Yaz moved to kiss the space behind her ear while pressing two fingers against Charlie’s clit and applying pressure there, rubbing small circles around her bundle of nerves, Charlie let out a guttural and primal sound. Yaz was sure she had never heard anything so erotic, so dirty and _so wonderful_.

“You’re such a good girl. You’re so good.”

“ _Oh, fuck…”_

At one point, Charlie’s thighs started shaking around Yaz, and Yaz thought she must have hit a sweet spot inside her. It was surprising that didn’t make her come right there and then, considering how wound up she was and how desperate her whimpers were becoming.

For a moment all they could hear was the sound of the toy brushing inside Charlie, the wetness that was audibly coating it with every thrust, Charlie’s moans growing louder, more frantic and her breath quickening each passing second. Yaz was starting to wonder what was taking her so long, she was clearly on the edge if the way she was lightly biting Yaz’s shoulder was anything to go by.

That’s when it clicked on Yaz: Charlie was waiting for her permission.

Yaz couldn’t help the pleased smile that creeped up on her lips.

“Charlie?” Yaz waited a moment and kept circling her clit, increasing the pressure a little which evoked a whimper from the woman riding her lap.

“Hm?”

“Are you gonna be good and come for me?”

When Yaz used her free hand to cup one of the blonde’s breasts, taking a nipple between her fingers, Charlie let out a high-pitched moan. That was more than enough of an answer for Yaz.

“Come on bab- Charlie.” She nearly let it slip, but if the blonde noticed, she didn’t say anything.

“Oh, _fuck_ … Yaz…”

Yaz pushed Charlie’s head away from her shoulder, pressing their foreheads together. She rubbed faster at her clit; at this point Charlie was all but grinding on the toy, her legs becoming like jelly and the muscles on her core tensing. Yaz bent her knees and started thrusting her hips upwards as much as she could, pumping the toy in and out of Charlie and once again, hitting that sweet spot inside her, that had Charlie turned to putty.

“Yaz, please… I’m gonna-”

“I’ve got you.”

Charlie came then, thighs trembling, walls clenching around the purple object and her grip on Yaz’s shoulders tightening, turning her knuckles white. Her moans were swallowed by Yaz when this one pulled her into a wet and ardent kiss. Charlie immediately parting her lips to welcome Yaz’s exploring tongue, that swirled all around her mouth. Charlie couldn’t reciprocate the gesture even if she wanted, the small flame she’d been trying to set alight suddenly turning into a forest fire inside her.

Yaz was so wonderfully caught up in all the noises coming out of her friend, the taste of her mouth on hers and how incredibly beautiful she looked like this, she forgot to slow down. Still applying that sweet pressure on Charlie’s clit and still jerking her hips upwards to thrust the toy further and further inside the blonde; Charlie came for a second time, the forest fire reaching a whole mountain, and no amounts of water seemed to slow it down, burning everything to the ground until all that was left were ashes, and the clear evidence of the effect it had made.

When she seemed to relax, legs still shaking with tiny aftershocks, Charlie removed herself from Yaz’s lap, the slick wet noise of the toy easing out of her was all they could hear.

Charlie slumped down next to Yaz while this one removed the harness from her hips and let the object fall to the floor. She looked over at Charlie, her eyes were closed, and her hair was clinging to her forehead with sweat. She was clearly exhausted.

Yaz reached down to pull the sheets over her friend’s naked form to let her have some rest but was stopped when a hand grabbed her wrist.

“What are you doing?” Yaz looked at Charlie, who was looking back at her with furrowed brows, confusion clouding her face. “I haven’t had my turn.”

Yaz shook her head “Charlie, you’re tired. It’s fine, I can sort myself out.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow and smirked “As much as I would like to see that, it’s not happening.” She blew the loose strands of hair away from her forehead as best she could, and letting go of Yaz’s wrist, she tapped the space on the pillow next to her head “Come here.”

Realisation dawning on Yaz, she bit her lip as a natural instinct. They had done this before, only once, but it was the other way around. Yaz couldn’t deny that the prospect of what was about to happen was sending a fresh rush of arousal between her legs and she could feel her heart beat a little faster.

She got on her knees and on top of Charlie “You know I’m not gonna last long.” She smiled while moving further up until her thighs were on each side of Charlie’s head “Watching you like that was pretty hot.”

Yaz grabbed the bed headboard, allowing Charlie to curl her hands around her thighs and position her right above her mouth.

When Charlie saw how wet Yaz actually was, she cursed “Fuck.” She lifted her head just so to swipe a tongue along Yaz’s folds, gathering her arousal in her mouth, while Yaz’s grip on the headboard tightened, surprised by the unexpected – _but so welcome_ – action.

“You’re so wet Yaz, you’re gorgeous like this.”

At that, another rush of wetness emerged between her thighs which didn’t go unnoticed by the woman below her, who let out a small victorious laugh, as if she had just played the right card and won the game.

“Brace yourself.” Was all she said before pulling Yaz down and her tongue came home for a second time, running across Yaz’s full length. Charlie ate her out like she had been starving and thirsty for days and like she was never gonna be granted another meal again.

Yaz’s hold on the headboard tightened even more and she was riding Charlie’s face, until this one grabbed her thighs with even more force to keep her still. And all Yaz could do was obey, gasping and moaning while Charlie kept moving her tongue, driving her towards the edge. She was so, _so close_.

“Charlie… I’m-“

She couldn’t finish her sentence, because at that precise moment the blonde attached her lips to Yaz’s clit and sucked on it, while she pushed one finger inside her and thrusted a couple of times before pushing another one in.

Yaz could see stars in the corner of her eyes, could see the light at the end of the tunnel, could feel the rope in her gut being pulled from both sides ready to break in the middle at any second.

All it took was Charlie easing a third finger inside her, and a few more seconds of rapid pumping pace. Yaz came, and Charlie rode her through her orgasm, prolonging her pleasure for as long as possible.

When she finally relaxed, her body still slightly shivering due to tiny aftershocks and the thin coat of sweat now clinging to her skin, she lay down next to Charlie – finally pulling the so much needed sheets on top of them, realising they were both in need of a shower. But they were also too exhausted right now to move.

After a few seconds in silence, Charlie sighed “That was something. _You_ are something.”

They looked at each other without saying a word. Yaz could never seem to decipher what was going on in Charlie’s brain even if her life depended on it. But gosh, didn’t she look beautiful like this?

Yaz had come to realise, that since they had met that first night at the bar, she had never seen Charlie as anything else other than ethereal. Even in the morning when her hair was all dishevelled and she was grumpy, even after a personal training session or spinning class when she was drenched in sweat, even when she had a milk or chocolate moustache - she was gorgeous. And it was becoming harder and harder for Yaz to hold her feelings inside.

She had been brave enough to admit those feelings to herself. That was easy. But to voice them out loud, especially to the women who these feelings were directed at, that was a different story. She was brave, but not that brave yet.

Still, looking at her like this, right now, she felt like a magnet was pulling her closer and closer. And when she next realised what she was doing it was too late.

She kissed Charlie, who kissed her back. The brushing of lips on lips making her melt altogether once more. She wanted more. _Needed_ more.

When they broke apart, she noticed Charlie looking at her with the most curious look in her eyes. Her brows were pinched together in slight confusion, but she didn’t protest or show reluctance towards the kiss.

Nonetheless, when she simply got up saying she needed a shower and headed towards the bathroom without looking back, Yaz couldn’t help but feel her heart deflate a little.

She smacked herself on the forehead with her hand, cursing herself. She knew she shouldn’t have done it. It was not a thing they did. But she was in love, and they did more intimate things than just kissing. Or perhaps the kiss was more intimate than all the sex because the kiss actually had some deeper meaning behind it.

She didn’t let herself dwell more on the subject, deciding she needed an outside opinion on what to do, from someone who didn’t know about them and someone who knew Yaz well. Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, she scanned through her inbox to find the contact she was looking for. When she found it, she opened the text thread and sent a quick message.

_Yaz [01:14am] Sorry, I know it’s late. Do you wanna have lunch tomorrow?_

The response came almost immediately.

_Ryan [01:14am] Hey Yaz! Yes, I would love to have lunch. I finish my last morning PT session around 1:15pm so we can meet at 1:30. The usual place?_

Yaz thought about it. Even though the next day was her day off, she still needed to run some errands and do some paperwork. But she could definitely get everything done in the morning and just in time for lunch.

_Yaz [01:17am] Yup, sounds good! See you there!_

_Ryan [01:18am] See you then. Night Yaz_

_Yaz [01:19am] Goodnight Ryan_

Just like that, she slumped down back on the pillow and sighed. Ryan wasn’t the most experienced when it came to relationships, truth be told, but he knew Yaz incredibly well and had been there when everything in her previous relationship had gone wrong. And he was always one hundred percent honest with her, about everything he thought, she knew he only wanted what was best for her and would look out for her no matter what. Like siblings do, cause at the end of the day, she always saw him like a brother. She had hope that maybe he could help decide what to do with her feelings for Charlie.

///

Yaz and Ryan were sitting at their usual table in the Etheria Café, having already placed their food and drinks orders, they were making casual conversation while waiting for their meals.

The café was a calm and small place located only a couple of blocks away from the gym, providing them the relaxed environment they needed every now and then when they needed to talk or just get away from work for a little bit.

The floor and walls were made of dark wood in contrast to the lighter oak that were the chairs and tables, and plants covered every shelf and countertop in sight, making the space a cosy and natural environment. The owners were clients at the gym, a young female couple in their early 30’s that had moved to Sheffield a few years ago.

Even though Yaz didn’t know them well, she thought they were quite friendly. One of them was harder to connect with, but Yaz could see she was good hearted, especially when it came to her partner, who in contrast was like a ray of happy sunshine. She reminded Yaz of Charlie a little. The couple was always happy to welcome any of the personal trainers into their café and, if she phoned ahead, they would always get her usual table available.

Ryan was mid-way through telling her how his latest Cross-Fit competition had gone, when their food finally arrived. The delicious smell of her tofu and cheese pasta filling her nostrils and making her stomach rumble even more, so she immediately took a bite to calm her grumbling organ down.

They each ate away their food in a comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other’s company, only being occasionally interrupted by someone they knew greeting them or one of the owners who came by to make sure everything was alright.

After their food, they each ordered a cup of tea and Yaz was growing increasingly nervous over what she wanted to discuss with Ryan. This sudden nervousness didn’t not go unnoticed by her friend.

“So, why exactly did you invite me for lunch today? Something tells me it wasn’t just for my awesome company?”

She bit her bottom lip and took a sip of her drink, it was now or never.

“I need some advice…”

“Okay…”

“It’s about a girl.”

He smiled “I see.”

He didn’t seem surprised. Why didn’t he seem surprised? Did he know? Surely, he didn’t. Yaz hoped she hadn’t given any hints of what was going on, even though it was no secret to anyone that she and Charlie had become close friends, she didn’t think anyone could see past that.

“So, what’s the matter then?” He took a sip from his mug and didn’t say anything else, waiting for Yaz to continue.

“I don’t even know where to start…”

“How about the beginning? That’s usually a good place.”

She rolled her eyes affectionately, but he was right. None of this was gonna make sense if she didn’t tell him the whole story.

“We met at the bar, the one we all went to on New Year’s Eve. When you and Bill both disappeared with a couple of girls and I stayed there with Jack.”

Ryan thought back to the event “Oh yeah, that was definitely a good night.” He smirked and gestured for Yaz to proceed, going back to his drink.

“Anyway, I met a girl there that night too. And we got along really well, and she was really, really, pretty so I invited her to my place.” She looked out of the window and smiled at the thought of that night “We slept together, and it was only supposed to be that one time you know? But then we crossed paths again and it just sort of happened… I don’t know Ry, it’s like she had this magnet pulling me towards her, so we slept together again and again and again.” She paused, trying to articulate her next words “It’s not a relationship. We’re just really good friends who have a lot of fun together. And it’s good Ryan, it’s so good but…”

She stopped then, pursing her lips, and looking down at the contents of her mug. It all felt so ridiculous now that she thought about it. How had she allowed herself to fall in love with Charlie like this? Why couldn’t their friendship and the sex be enough? Why did Yaz have to be so human and crave something more? It was never meant to come this far. It was never meant to be this deep.

She didn’t know how to explain to Ryan what she was feeling, she had never voiced those words out loud to anyone, not even to herself. Thinking about them was one thing. Saying them was another. Luckily, she didn’t have to, cause Ryan, knowing her so well, filled the gaps where her words had failed.

“But you fell in love with her.” Yaz nodded.

“Yeah.” Was all she said.

“So, what’s the problem exactly?” He asked confused, and Yaz looked at him furrowing her eyebrows, even more confused, not understanding his question.

“The problem is that I can’t feel like that about her Ryan!”

He shrugged his shoulders, clearly still not understanding why Yaz was making such a big fuss out of something so simple. But it wasn’t simple, _was it?_ She was starting to think that maybe asking him for advice had been the wrong call. She groaned frustratingly and slumped back on her chair.

“We had an agreement. When we started this, one of the things we agreed on was that there would be no feelings attached. Nothing. Cause then it wouldn’t be just sex, it wouldn’t be just two friends having fun. It would mean something more… And I just…”

She didn’t finish, but she didn’t have to. Ryan understood exactly where she was going.

“You want more.” Yaz nodded, but still wasn’t looking at him “And you’re scared of what that means.” Yaz nodded again and hid her face in her hands embarrassingly, but Ryan continued nonetheless “Mate, I know why you’re worried, but I can almost guarantee you Charlie isn’t anything like him. She won’t hurt you like that. She doesn’t seem the type. Besides, sh- Why are you looking at me like that? What is it?”

Indeed, Yaz was looking at him with wide eyes, surprise occupying her whole face “You said ‘Charlie’. How did you know it was her?”

Ryan smacked himself on the forehead with his palm, cursing himself for his mistake “Shit, right… Hm… You know her brother, John, right? Well, he’s my client and we chat a lot and he might have let it slip the other day that you and Charlie might have a thing.”

Yaz raised an eyebrow “When?”

“Hm… About three months ago?” He said with an apologetic lopsided smile.

Yaz reached forward on her chair and rested her elbows on the table, looking right at Ryan and then gave him a weak and friendly smack on the head.

“Ow!”

“Three months Ryan?! You’ve known for three months and didn’t say anything?”

He leaned slightly back to put some distance between them, so she wouldn’t hit him again (though he knew there was no true malice in it).

“It wasn’t my place to say anything. If you hadn’t mentioned it to me yet it was because you didn’t want me to know.” He shot her a reassuring smile “It’s okay though Yaz. I don’t mind it, it’s your life and this is something really personal. You don’t owe me anything.”

She sighed and got a hold of her mug, realising it was empty.

“So, what do I do then? About her?”

“Tell her how you feel.”

Yaz scoffed. She wished it was that simple. If she told Charlie how she felt and Charlie didn’t feel the same way (which Yaz was sure she didn’t), it could all go wrong. Either Charlie wouldn’t make a big deal out of it and they would simply stop sleeping together but their friendship would remain intact; Or Charlie would tell her to get lost (not in the literal sense), but Yaz feared that Charlie would feel awkward and uncomfortable with her if she were to find out about Yaz’s feelings towards her. If that happened, Yaz would lose her completely. And she hated that possibility. She hated having to go back to a life without Charlie in it. She had never felt this way. Even the end of her last relationship didn’t hurt her as much as the thought of not having Charlie (and that was saying a lot). Whether as just a friend or something else, Yaz didn’t care. She didn’t want to lose her.

She shook her head, going back to the conversation with Ryan “I can’t do that.”

He frowned “Why not?”

“Cause she doesn’t feel the same way… It could ruin everything Ry.”

“How do you know though? That she doesn’t feel the way you do?”

Yaz shrugged her shoulders. Why was he being so insistent on it? It was clear that Charlie didn’t have any further sentiments for Yaz. She would have noticed if that was the case. Surely, there would have been clear signs. _Right?_

“I just do.” Was all she said. Ryan’s phone came to life on top of the table when the screen lit up with a new message. He looked at it for a brief second and frowned, explaining to Yaz that it was one of his clients who had decided to come earlier cause he wanted to discuss something with Ryan. That meant that his lunch break was cut short and they only had a few more minutes together.

And Yaz still didn’t know what to do about Charlie.

“Mate, can I be honest?” Ryan spoke, reaching out to Yaz who looked at him and simply nodded “I think if you talked to her, like, really talked to her about how you feel and told her about everything that happened with Harold and explained to her what that did to you… I think she’d understand. She cares about you Yaz. That much is obvious.” He smiled at her “And I think if you talked you might just find out how much.”

///

Yaz felt tears prickle at her eyes. Thinking about her past was painful. Thinking about having to talk about it again was even more. But thinking about having to talk to Charlie, of all people, about it? It was bloody frightening. Yaz knew Charlie would never judge her or see her as weak for the state she was after things with Harold had ended. She knew the blonde would understand and reassure Yaz of her value (even though it wasn’t something she needed reassuring in anymore, she knew her own worth. She had learnt it the hard way).

But the thought of that conversation was still a nerve wrecking sensation that sat in her stomach for hours after she departed with Ryan and was now even more unpleasant as the hour she had agreed to meet Charlie arrived.

Yaz knew that Ryan was right. She had to talk to the blonde about everything, she had to be open and unafraid and hope ( _oh_ , there really was so much hope), that Charlie would understand and – most of all – Yaz prayed that her feelings wouldn’t be dismissed. She prayed to whatever God was listening that Charlie felt the same for her to some extent. Or at least enough for them to move forwards.

Whatever moving forwards actually meant for them, Yaz was yet to find out.

***

She was finishing up setting the table when she heard the all too familiar sounds of the four knocks on the wooden door.

She rushed towards the sound, opening the door to the warm and alluring smell of Chinese food and a small smile on Charlie’s face. But something seemed different. The usually enormous grin Charlie would wear on her lips every time she saw Yaz somehow looked odd. It didn’t seem as big, or happy… or genuine. Charlie looked almost sad, nervous even. Yaz thought it might just be a figment of her imagination. Her nerves going into defence mode creating things that weren’t there to make her change her mind.

She didn’t listen, and instead greeted Charlie the way she always would and smiled back at the blonde allowing her into her house, and Charlie immediately made herself comfortable (as she always did), placing the bags of food on the table and taking out the take-away boxes while Yaz fetched orange juice and a glass of white wine for Charlie.

It wasn’t a night they would usually spend together or do anything, both of them having an early start at work the next day. But Yaz had invited Charlie to come over under the pretense it would just be a meal and a quick episode of Bake Off, with no funny business included. In reality, it was just a set up so Yaz could finally lay out all the cards on the table. She couldn’t drag this any longer.

But all the way through their meals she felt the tension between them growing more awkward. What would usually be a happy conversational meal time between them – Charlie going on about random facts Yaz had no idea about but she would listen either way, like every word coming out of her friends mouth was made of gold – was all of a sudden filled with a deafening silence. Yaz hated it. It felt unnatural.

Every time she tried to steer up the conversation and just talk about anything at all or ask Charlie questions, this one would give her short answers or sometimes not even an answer at all and just a shrug of her shoulders.

It made Yaz feel more anxious about the whole conversation she was meant to have. Maybe it wasn’t the right time. Charlie was clearly not herself and no matter how many times Yaz asked what was going on with her she was met with nothing. Just more silence. Charlie was barely even looking at her.

They finished their meals and put away the dishes, Yaz saying she would take care of them later and both friends sat down on the sofa to watch the GBBO. But that just made things feel even more weird.

Charlie would usually make mouth-watering sounds at the sight of every bit of food and would be so enthusiastic about the entire process of baking that soon enough she would drag Yaz into the kitchen so they could bake something themselves.

But this time… _nothing_. Just more silence. And that’s when Yaz noticed that Charlie wasn’t even close to her, as she usually would. Wasn’t even paying attention to the show and instead was bouncing her leg underneath the blanket and fidgeting with her hands. A nervous tick. Something she would usually do when something was eating at her mind and wouldn’t leave her alone until she spoke it out loud.

Yaz muted the television and cleared her throat to get Charlie’s attention which didn’t seem to work. After a couple more tries and getting no response, she reached out to touch the blonde’s shoulder who – finally – looked at her.

Those big hazel green eyes finally set on her, unlike they had been all night. And what Yaz didn’t expect to find in them when they finally locked with her own eyes… was sadness.

Yaz realised then that something was truly and utterly wrong. For the first time since they met, Charlie had never looked at Yaz with such pain and sorrow.

She immediately removed her hand from Charlie’s shoulder when it tensed at the touch (another thing that was unusual. A lot of unusual things seemed to be happening this night).

Charlie averted her gaze once again, apparently unable to look at her friend any longer. That felt like a knife making a shallow cut in Yaz’s chest, bleeding only slightly. When she spoke, it was with the calmest voice she could muster. 

“Charlie… What’s wrong?” A minute passed, no response “Charlie, _please_. Just talk to me…”

She noticed the clench on Charlie’s jaw and the thick swallow in her throat. Yaz tried to reach out again to take a hold of her fidgeting hands but Charlie moved them away, out of Yaz’s reach. She didn’t want to be touched.

That invisible knife sank halfway inside Yaz’s chest, coming just shy of her heart. Something was seriously wrong.

She felt hot tears pricking in the corners of her eyes and she fought back against them, keeping them at bay. She would _not_ cry.

Charlie sighed. Closed her eyes. Sighed. Opened her eyes again.

Yaz waited.

When Charlie finally spoke, it was with such sorrow in her voice that if Yaz hadn’t been watching her she wouldn’t believe such a tone had come out of her friend’s mouth. If she wasn’t watching her, she wouldn’t believe what she had just said. But she couldn’t be hearing properly. Surely, her mind was deceiving her.

Yaz asked Charlie to repeat those words, almost in a whisper. Her voice was failing her, her strength along with it. But the tears weren’t coming. Yaz would not let them come.

“I’m sorry Yaz, I really am. But we need to stop this. I can’t- I don’t want to keep sleeping with you anymore. It’s not right. I’m sorry.”

Just like that the knife sank, it reached her heart and she felt all that invisible blood spilling from her chest, clinging to her shirt and pooling at the floor. She was bleeding out. And Charlie was holding the knife.

She didn’t know whether she was hurt or angry more. Because there hadn’t been any signs. They were together just the previous night and had laughed and danced around the kitchen making breakfast just this morning. And all of a sudden, Charlie was putting an end to it all.

Yaz knew she shouldn’t feel like this. They were friends above everything else, that had always been the deal. But at this moment she couldn’t even look Charlie in the eyes. Couldn’t even think about talking to her. She needed to be alone. Her throat was constricting, a knot stuck in it wanting to be released. Yaz spoke as firmly as she could.

“Get out.”

“Yaz?”

Yaz got up and headed for the door. When her hand got a hold of the doorknob Charlie was already standing next to her. She’d always been quick on her feet.

“Yaz, please. We can still be friends. Please, don’t shut me out.”

Yaz took a deep breath, trying to regain some of her composure and her strength to look Charlie in the eye.

“We are friends Charlie. But right now, I need to be alone.” She opened the door “So please, go.”

Just like that, Charlie grabbed her jacket and took a step out of the door, turning back to Yaz “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Sure, goodnight.” Yaz closed the door on her face before she even got a response back.

She headed towards the bathroom, in dire need to wash her face in cold water. She could feel what was coming, and she was fighting with everything inside her to keep it from happening.

As she looked at herself in the mirror, eyes growing red as a tear escaped them, she washed her face again. And again. And again. The tears didn’t seem to stop.

“Stop crying Khan.” More tears “Just fucking stop crying.”

She knew there was no point in fighting it. The sadness and anger overwhelming her with each passing second becoming stronger. It was a dangerous combination when it came to Yaz.

Deciding to just accept that her emotions were taking control, she sat on the floor against the bathtub and pulled her knees to her chest, resting her forehead on them.

And she cried. She cried until her lungs hurt. She cried until the fabric on her knees was drenched in nothing but tears. She cried until she went dry.

She stayed there for hours, even though it felt longer.

***

When she dreamt that night, it wasn’t of music and dancing and those seven wonderful words that had filled her dreams in several nights before. _No._ When she dreamt that night it was dark, and hollow and empty. When she dreamt it was of Charlie, but instead of a bright smile and warm eyes, this one had black eyes and a malicious laugh, while she uttered the same words that had haunted her for so long after her awful last relationship. The five words she believed in for so long and were now coming back to tease her, haunt her and eat away all her self-worth.

_“You’re not good enough, Yaz.”_

Charlie said, over and over and over again, always followed by the evilest laugh Yaz had ever heard. It was so unnatural and inhuman.

She woke up drenched in sweat and those same words and laugh still echoing in her ears, and Yaz knew that for a while, that was all she was gonna hear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL ABOARD THE ANGST EXPRESS!!! in all seriousness tho i promise charlie means no harm and the next chapter will be 100% in her pov so we'll finally see what charlie has been truly feeling all this time and how she deals with the aftermath of this chapter !!
> 
> also, she-ra fans did you notice the little crossover?? the etheria cafe is indeed inspire by the show and the couple who own it are indeed none other than adora and catra!! just thought it'd be fun to include something outside the whoniverse haha
> 
> as always, kudos and comments are very deeply appreciated xx


	6. smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I miss you so much, Yaz.” She cried to the universe.
> 
> She couldn’t control the sobs that had come for her now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes this chapter is named after THAT jodie short film cause charlie is a gay mess and disaster in it oops
> 
> cw: cigarettes / smoking 
> 
> hope you enjoy!! x

_“We are friends Charlie. But right now, I need to be alone.” She opened the door “So please, go.”_

_Just like that, Charlie grabbed her jacket and took a step out of the door, turning back to Yaz “I’ll call you tomorrow.”_

_“Sure, goodnight.” Yaz closed the door on her face before she even got a response back._

The walk home that night seemed to drag out for hours. Charlie had her hood up, partly to protect herself from the cold, partly (and mostly) to hide away the tears running down her cheeks from the eyes of strangers.

She kept playing and re-playing every word she had said to Yaz in her head. And then she would see Yaz’s face and the look she had given her. In all that time she had never looked at Charlie like that.

_“Get out.”_

The memory of those words and the harsh way with which they had been delivered sent another rush of tears through her eyes.

The sound of the door closing on her face was gonna haunt her.

She had done the right thing. She was sure of it. Things between her and Yaz could not carry on the way they had been so far. It wasn’t right. Not when it felt like Charlie was living a lie, creating a fantasy around something that would never, _could never_ , go beyond friendship. Not when Charlie was undoubtedly _in_ love with Yaz.

Of course, she was. How could she not be? Yaz was the most incredible person she had ever met. One of the best. There was not a single part of Yaz she didn’t love. And that just made all of this so much harder.

Their friendship came first. It had to. No matter what, Charlie wanted nothing more than to keep Yaz as a friend. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing her all completely. She didn’t think she’d be able to deal with that.

It was best to put an end to things now, before Charlie would let her feelings go any deeper until the day Yaz would certainly find someone else, someone she loved in the way she could never love Charlie, someone who was more deserving of her and then she would be the one to end things with Charlie when Charlie could not even fathom the thought of loving someone else.

It didn’t it make it any easier now anyway, but it had been for the best.

She stopped at a street corner only a few minutes away from home. She took out her phone and searched through her messages until she found Yaz’s name. She couldn’t wait until morning. She had to assure Yaz now that things between them were okay. That nothing else needed to change.

But as her fingers hovered the screen, she realised she didn’t know what to say. She wrote and deleted and wrote and deleted countless messages, but none of the words sounded right. Nothing seemed to really describe how she felt, and nothing seemed to really say what was on her mind.

_Oh_ , how she wanted to tell Yaz of her true feelings. But she knew that could never happen. Yaz didn’t feel the same way. How could she? Yaz was, well, Yaz. Brilliant, determined, strong and beautiful Yasmin Khan. And Charlie was just Charlie. She was confident most days of course, she knew she was smart and capable and even somewhat pretty, but she always knew from day one that Yaz had always been way out of her league.

So, there was no way she could ever feel about Charlie the same way Charlie felt about her. Not when she deserved so much better. Not when Charlie wanted so much better for Yaz.

Deciding that was best to wait until the next day to talk to her, she put away her phone again and wiped her face. She was craving something. The same thing she always craves when things become a little darker. She hated it, but she also knew better than to fight it knowing that if she did the desire would only become stronger and the spiral deeper.

She needed an escape.

Spotting a little convenience store, she crossed the street and headed inside. She grabbed a bottle of cheap white wine _“It will have to do today”_ she thought and went over to the employee.

“A pack of cigarettes, please.” She looked over his shoulder “And a lighter too.”

He handed her the pack and the lighter, and she paid for the three items insisting he’d keep the change.

***

That night was the first in a long time she had felt so miserable. The wine was almost gone as well as nearly half the pack of cigarettes. The mixture of alcohol and nicotine giving her the peace of mind she needed. Her thoughts became like smoke, her mind was cleared, she couldn’t think properly, and sleep was threatening to take over her small form at any second. For a while, she didn’t feel anything.

That’s exactly what she wanted. She couldn’t deal with her emotions, not tonight. The only thing she could really feel was the burn of the smoke coating her lungs. And even then, she didn’t care. Physical pain had always been easier to deal with than an emotional one.

She thought about Yaz and how she was probably just fine right now. Why wouldn’t she be? It was a relief honestly. Charlie hoped she was the only one to feel like this.

But when her mind thought back to the sorrowed and angry look Yaz had given her a couple of hours earlier, she felt her heart clench and tears started flooding her eyes again.

“For fuck sake Charlie, stop it.”

She whispered to no one but herself. Placing the bottle on the coffee table deciding that was enough alcohol, she took another cigarette out instead and lighted it, allowing the thick smoke to burn her insides again and felt her mind going blank for a little while.

It was going to be a long night.

///

It had been two weeks. _Two weeks_ without Yaz.

Charlie had texted and called nearly every day, but never got an answer back. Except for the time she had to message to cancel all her personal training sessions for a few weeks due to extra work hours, and Yaz had answered with a simple _“Noted.”_

She cursed herself for the turn their friendship had taken. She had never meant for things to turn out this way. She had hoped that even without the sex they would’ve been able to stay friends, that Yaz would still want Charlie in her life.

Charlie was starting to think that perhaps Yaz never wanted her for anything more than just that. That maybe their friendship wasn’t as meaningful to Yaz as it was to Charlie, and that thought deeply pained her.

But she tried to push it away every time it popped up in her head. Sometimes by distracting herself by making experiments in the lab, other times by going for a small run and sometimes, more often, by smoking.

She barely even touched a cigarette during the day, since she was mostly at school surrounded by her colleagues and students. But at night, alone in her home, she succumbed to the crave and smoked three or four, sometimes five or six in a row.

It was safe to say, Charlie felt utterly miserable. She had forgotten what life without Yaz felt like. She could live without her, of course she could. But Yaz had become a big part of making her life better, and suddenly having to live without her felt wrong. Like there was a puzzle piece missing. Like even though you could see the whole picture, without that piece it would never feel completely right.

***

She took the opportunity of lunch time away from school to have a cigarette while she waited for Rose and Clara to arrive. Hopefully, she’d be able to get through it without them seeing her smoke, which if they did, they wouldn’t take it lightly and she would certainly be scolded for it. Especially, from Clara.

As it turns out, luck was not on her side that day. She was nearly at the end of the cigarette when this was plucked from her hand and tossed into her glass of water.

“Hey!” She looked around to see who was the responsible for such action, and of course, it would’ve been none other than Clara Oswald “You didn’t have to do that! Ruined my water.” She pouted leaning back on her chair with crossed arms while her two friends sat on the free chairs each side of the table.

“I’ll get you another glass, don’t worry.” Clara said and shared a look with Rose, which didn’t go unnoticed by Charlie, but this one decided to remain quiet.

“Charlie…” Rose started saying but was immediately cut off by her friend.

“Don’t start Rose. I don’t wanna talk about it.” She sighed as she saw another look shared between her two friends “Maybe later. Can we order? I’m actually starving.”

Rose and Clara decided not to press the matter any further for the time being, but they wouldn’t let it go. Knowing Charlie as well as they did, they knew something serious was going on if their friend had resorted to smoking.

After ordering their meals they made casual conversation, mostly about work and how they were preparing their students for the upcoming exams, although Rose being a gymnastics teacher, she left this particular conversation to Clara and Charlie.

Clara had started working at the school about two years ago as an English teacher and Charlie was the first person to meet and welcome her into the facility, immediately becoming friends. They weren’t as close as Charlie and Rose, but Clara was sort of the “mum” of the group, always making sure Charlie was doing okay and didn’t indulge in any erratic behaviour, being her voice of reason when Charlie didn’t seem to have one.

That’s why when she noticed Charlie bouncing her leg slightly and her hand rummaging around her jeans pocket, she felt the need to intervene.

“Charlie, you’re not gonna smoke again are you?” The blonde stopped what she was doing, removing her hand from her pocket holding a mint, and giving Clara a smirk “Good.” Was all the brunette said.

***

Their meals arrived and they all ate in a comfortable silence, making occasional conversation. Most of it about Rose and John’s wedding. That’s when Rose turned to Charlie.

“I wanted to ask you something.” Charlie looked at her with a raised eyebrow in question “Will you be my maid of honour?”

Charlie’s lips formed a little ‘o’ but she was silent. John had already asked her to be his best person, she didn’t know if it was possible to be Rose’s maid of honour as well. Either way, if Rose was asking then it was because she had already been informed that there wouldn’t be a problem.

Charlie broke into a smile, probably the happiest one she’d manage to conjure in the last couple of weeks and immediately got up to give Rose a hug.

“Of course, I will!” Her friend hugged her back, smiling along with her “Are you sure it’s okay though? With me also being John’s best person and all?”

They sat back down on the chairs and Rose took a sip of her drink before answering “Yup, we checked. It’s perfectly fine.”

“Brilliant!” Charlie said, and they all toasted their glasses at the occasion, Charlie had nearly forgotten about everything else going on in her life. _Nearly_.

Until Rose asked, “I reckon you’ll be bringing Yaz as your plus one?”

Charlie stopped everything she was doing in that moment. She stopped breathing, her mind went blank and loud at the same time, the world around her seemed to both slow down and speed up. She could feel her heartbeat increase, the organ suddenly becoming too big for her own body, beating so harshly that it seemed to be breaking each rib trying to get out. _Yaz_. She had planned to eventually invite Yaz to go with her. Now, she felt like that was never going to be possible.

She was brought back when she suddenly felt a hand squeeze her shoulder.

“Charlie, is everything okay?” Rose asked softly.

Charlie shook her head, not really knowing what to say or how to explain to both her friends what she had done. How she had messed things up with Yaz this badly. How their friendship had took a turn for the worst, and how it was all her fault.

She felt the pack of cigarettes burn inside her jeans pocket, calling her to take one into her mouth and let the thick smoke of it clear her mind and fill her chest. She resisted it, not wanting to be told off by her friends and because, deep down, she knew it wasn’t a habit she intended to keep for long.

Before she could speak they were interrupted by the waiter who had come to take away their plates and Clara took the opportunity to order two coffees for her and Rose and a tea for Charlie, assuming correctly, that her friend was in need of one.

They waited in silence for their drinks to arrive and Charlie could feel her hands starting to shake from nerves and the piercing concerned look her friends had set on her. But she didn’t feel uncomfortable by it. Deep down she wanted to talk about it, she did. She just didn’t know what to say or how to say it. She was good with words, but when it came to talk about her feelings it was like trying to express herself in a foreign language that she had never come to learn.

So, when their drinks arrived Charlie took a hold of her mug, wrapping her hands around it in an attempt to steady them, and took a few sips. After a couple of minutes, she finally spoke to her two friends who had been patiently waiting for Charlie to gather her thoughts.

“There’s no me and Yaz anymore. We… I don’t know. I think we’re still friends, but… to be honest I’m not sure.”

“What happened?” Clara asked in a calm and gentle manner.

“I broke things off.” Clara frowned not quite understanding what Charlie meant, and that’s when Charlie realised, she had never told Clara about the nature of her friendship with Yaz “We were having sex.”

“Sex?!” Clara said a little too loudly, attracting the attention of strangers in the tables next to them, immediately lowering her voice “Sorry. But since when?”

“Pretty much since we met.” Charlie sighed “At the New Year’s Eve bar.”

“That was her?”

Charlie nodded.

“Oh wow.” Clara actually sounded surprised.

“So, what happened then?” Rose asked trying to get their conversation back on track.

Charlie shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her drink. Inhaling, exhaling. Inhaling, exhaling. Finally, she seemed to have found the words to explain the whole situation. Or at least, she thought she did.

“I told her I didn’t want to sleep with her anymore. And she just… she just threw me out. Sort of. She asked me to leave.” Another deep breath, she could feel a lump forming in her throat, the memory of Yaz’s words still fresh in her mind “I thought we could still be friends. But she hasn’t spoken to me since. I call and text and never get an answer back. So maybe sh-“ Her voice broke a little, and she couldn’t contain the sob that escaped along with her next words “Maybe she never really cared about me in the first place. And all of this meant nothing to her.” She finishes, wiping a stray tear with the back of her hand.

Rose and Clara looked at each other, finally understanding why their friend had been in such a low mood the last couple of weeks. Rose had her suspicions about Charlie’s feelings for Yaz, even though she had never pressed her friend into revealing them. Clara on the other hand didn’t know how deep things actually went. But one thing both Clara and Rose could agree on was that ever since Charlie had met Yaz, they had never seen their friend so happy. They had never seen her become so carefree and comfortable with someone as she had become with Yaz.

Rose was a bit wary on asking her further questions about it, noticing that Charlie was clearly upset about the events. Clara, on the other hand needed some proper answers.

“I still don’t get it though.” Rose gave Clara a pointed look, which Clara didn’t seem to notice “Why would you end something that was clearly working out and made you happy?”

Charlie sighed, taking a few more sips of her tea trying to gather the correct words in her mind. She knew why she had to do it. She couldn’t keep pretending to be just friends with Yaz when she wanted something more. She couldn’t keep having sex with Yaz when the sex, unlike all those months ago, wasn’t just sex anymore. It _meant something_. And whenever Yaz kissed her, it felt like her heart was breaking into a million glass pieces and puncturing her lungs, causing an internal bleeding. Slowly and agonising. She loved the kissing, and she always kissed Yaz back because honestly, how could she not? But the kiss was always stained with her own blood, was always filled with too many feelings and emotions that she could never speak out loud. Because Yaz didn’t feel the same, and Charlie couldn’t blame her for it.

Realising she had been quiet for quite some time and her friends were still waiting for an answer, Charlie managed to get the words out.

“I just couldn’t keep pretending anymore. I never thought I’d feel like this. Never thought that things would get this far. But I couldn’t keep up the charade.” A stray tear left her eye and her bottom lip was trembling “I couldn’t keep pretending that things with Yaz meant nothing, when they meant _everything_.”

Just like that the two friends understood. Without thinking, Charlie took out the pack of cigarettes and lightened one, hoping the nicotine would provide her with some comfort. Or at least with a distraction from her own emotions. Neither Rose nor Clara said anything about it for the time being, knowing that scolding Charlie right now would do more harm than good. Rose had seen this behaviour from the blonde before back when they were teens, and Clara was more than aware of the whole situation. Charlie never knew how to deal with her emotions, and she only ever resorted to smoking when these became too much, and she needed to escape them for a while until she could make sense of it all.

Rose gently placed a hand on her friends’ shoulder, trying to get her attention.

“Did you tell Yaz how you feel?”

Charlie scoffed while blowing out the smoke, like Rose had just ask the most ridiculous question in the world.

“Of course, I didn’t.”

“Why not?” Clara asked, eyeing the cigarette and Charlie shuffled further away from her in order to keep Clara from plucking it from her again.

“Because she doesn’t feel the same way! It would just have made things worse! Or at least I thought it would… It doesn’t even matter anymore.” She blew out some more smoke “Things are never gonna be the same again.”

“Charlie-” Rose started but Clara interrupted.

“You always do this.”

“What?” Charlie pinched her eyebrows looking at her, a mixture of anger and confusion taking up her whole face.

“Clara-“ Rose tried to calm down their friend, but Clara was having none of it.

“No Rose, she needs to hear it.” She turned to Charlie “Whenever things get too emotional, _too real_ , you run away. With everyone else was fine, I get it. But with Yaz? You were never like that with anyone else Charlie. Ever!”

Charlie wasn’t answering, unable to look at her friend, who deep down, she knew was right. She focused on the cigarette in her hand instead, but this too was near the end. She sucked on it a couple more times before putting it out.

“I just don’t know what to do now. I don’t know why Yaz won’t even speak to me. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Think about it Charlie.” Rose spoke softly “If Yaz didn’t feel even remotely the same way as you do why would she be reacting like this?”

Charlie just shrugged her shoulders, while mumbling a quiet “I dunno.”

“Honestly Charlie, you can be so dumb sometimes.” Clara commented, earning another stern look from Rose even though she knew Clara didn’t mean it in as an insult “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that in a bad way. But I haven’t met Yaz and even I can tell the girl clearly has feelings for you.”

“Why didn’t she say anything then?”

“Probably for the same reason you didn’t. She thought you didn’t feel the same way.” Rose answered, plain and simple.

Charlie thought about this for a bit. Her friends were making sense, and this could explain why Yaz had reacted the way she did. Why she had been avoiding Charlie all this time. Part of Charlie believed that to be true. That Yaz did have further feelings for her.

“Maybe.” Was all Charlie said, voice still full of doubt but carrying just a little bit more hope. Because if Yaz did in fact felt the same way and Charlie had ended things the way she did instead of being brave and talk about her feelings, then maybe that meant she was causing Yaz pain too. And Charlie could not bear the thought that Yaz was hurting and that she was to blame.

///

The rest of the day had gone by fairly quick. Charlie had taught another two classes and had given a tutoring lesson. All the while, her conversation with Rose and Clara at lunch time was playing in her head.

The things her friends had said about the real reason why Yaz had been reacting the way she had, were slightly starting to make sense. Charlie wanted nothing more than to believe that Yaz had been avoiding her because deep down she felt the same way and not because she didn’t see a point in their friendship anymore.

After work, she had stopped by the gym to try and catch Yaz so they could talk. Unfortunately, Ryan had told her that Yaz wasn’t there that day but didn’t give her any further information on how she’d been doing. He sounded a little troubled and worried which made Charlie nervous, but she didn’t insist on it, accepting that doing so could do more damage. Instead she left the facility and typed out a quick text to Yaz.

_Charlie [6:12pm] Hi Yaz! Just went by the gym but Ryan said you weren’t there. I would love to talk, please. Call me when you see this. I miss you x_

She had planned for a quiet evening at home having dinner and watching some movies, having done most of her marking and paperwork during the day during her breaks. But soon enough she had started to feel claustrophobic and her house suddenly felt too small, like all the walls were caving in and making the space harder to breathe by the second.

Such thing only made her thinking spiral, so before she could indulge herself in the bad (yet temporary) habit she had started a couple of weeks ago, she instead decided to clear her head in the best and healthiest way she knew: running.

The two weeks of smoking were definitely taking a toll on her lungs and her resistance capacity and she was forced to slow down what would usually be her normal fast pace, to one that resembled more a speed walk than necessarily a run.

Still, the cool and fresh air of the evening was playing it’s part in clearing her mind and make her relax, even though breathing was not coming easy at the time, the burn in her lungs from overworking instead of smoke was most certainly a nice change and a feeling the missed.

With each mile, she could feel the weight that had been on her shoulders pulling her down for days, to ease a little until it felt like there was nothing left there. Her anxieties, her fears and her doubts were all being washed away in the current of the sea that were her emotions. Instead, these were replaced by a new perspective. A new way of looking at the situation. A more hopeful one. Remembering once again her friend’s words from earlier that day, and after thinking deeply about the last six months she had to admit she felt slightly ridiculous for ever thinking that Yaz felt anything for her other than love.

Whether Yaz was in love with her or not, Charlie could not be certain. But she needed to believe, _wanted_ to believe, more than anything that Yaz definitely harboured feelings that went much deeper than just a platonic friendship. Maybe not as deep as Charlie’s, but at least deep enough to move forwards. Or at least, to move somewhere better than the place where they were at the moment.

So lost in thought as she was, Charlie wasn’t paying attention to where she was going and ended up tripping on a lose rock and grazing her hand on the pavement.

She got up and kept running, even though she felt the blood dripping from her hand, she would take a look at it when she got home. But right now, she needed to keep running. Forcing her lungs and legs to cooperate, she ran at a faster pace than she had ever run before.

///

Turns out the grazing on her hand had actually resulted in a deep cut across her palm and it had taken her a while to stop the bleeding, but when she finally had managed it, she wrapped her hand in a fresh bandage, covering the wound. It stung, but it was a manageable pain, so she avoided painkillers.

Her pizza had arrived and deciding she didn’t want to stay closed in her flat, she put on an extra layer of clothing, grabbed her headphones and a beach towel, and went up to the roof of the building.

It was a clear night, with no clouds. But the amount of stars showing could almost be counted with her two hands. It was probably the thing she most disliked about living in the city. The light bouncing off the streets and the buildings was so intense that it turned all the stars into nothing, making them disappear. Like they had been sent across the universe and were on display for some other planet.

It made Charlie a little sad sometimes. She always found some comfort in the stars, hoping they would reveal her the answers to the questions she played in her mind over and over again. Or that they at least would act as a constant friend, who would be there no matter what. But tonight, she’d have to find comfort in simply knowing that even if she couldn’t see them, the stars were still there.

She put on her headphones, letting music fill her ears while she ate away her pizza. Not thinking about anything in particular, simply enjoying the melody, the flavours, and the crisp air of the Sheffield night.

Although, when this particular song came around and started playing, Charlie stopped eating realising she wasn’t hungry anymore and looked up at the sky, pulling her jacket closer to her shoulders in order to provide some more comfort.

_Is there something wrong with me?  
And you haven't touched my body  
My body in a long time  
Is there something I can't see?_

She realised in that moment how much she missed touching Yaz and how much she missed Yaz touching her. It didn’t even have to be anything special, but just the simple touch of their thighs under the blanket when they were watching a movie or the simple brush of their hands under the covers when they moved closer to each other at night on instinct searching for each other’s warmth.

_We never seem to smile  
Smile like we used to  
What is it you're going through?  
We never drive for miles  
Talking like we used to  
Can you feel it fading too?_

She felt a couple of tears running down her cheeks. She was crying. It hurt, it hurt _so_ much. Still, she didn’t take her eyes off the sky, focusing on one of the few stars that could be seen that night, wondering for a second, if Yaz was looking at them too. Wondering if Yaz was missing her just as much. Wondering if Yaz was even thinking about her. If Yaz had thought about her during all this time they had been a part.

_I like it when you love me  
I like it when you care  
I like it when it's easy  
And there ain't all this bad blood here_

“I miss you so much, Yaz.” She cried to the universe.

She couldn’t control the sobs that had come for her now. Pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them tightly, she cried to the night sky. She cried to the few stars witnessing the event, watching her pour out her feelings after bottling and avoiding them for so long.

She never felt particularly alone in her life. She always had people who cared about her and where there for her no matter what. But right now, more than ever, she felt lonely. She wanted Yaz, _needed_ her. In all her forms, whatever Yaz had to offer her, Charlie would take it.

She felt divided. Her heart telling her that Yaz was in love with her as much as she was in love with Yaz. And her head telling her she was being completely delusional. She didn’t know which one to believe.

She stayed like that for a little while longer, finally allowing herself to feel everything.

///

A few hours later, she finally started to feel utterly exhausted and wanted nothing more than her bed, hoping she would finally be able to get a good night’s sleep.

She took the pack of cigarettes out of her jeans, placing them on the kitchen table and promising herself she would toss them into the trash tomorrow and would also find a way to talk to Yaz once and for all. She would go to the gym and try to catch her before the spinning class and if that wasn’t possible, she’d go to her house and convince Yaz to hear her out.

All she knew was that they couldn’t carry on like this anymore. And if things were indeed to come to a definitive end between them, Charlie felt like she at least deserved some proper closure. As much as that could hurt.

She was just finishing brushing her teeth, ready to get into bed with a good book when she heard her phone ringing from the other room.

She quickly rinsed her mouth and ran towards the sound. She frowned looking at the screen when this one displayed an unknown number. Still, at this time of the night, her curiosity spoke louder, and she pressed ‘accept’.

“Hello?”

“Hi! Is this Charlie?” She recognised the voice on the other line but couldn’t place her finger on who it belonged to.

“Yeah… Who’s this?”

“It’s Bill, from the gym? Yaz’s friend.”

At that Charlie felt her chest tightened, her breathing increasing, and her hands started shaking slightly at the same time she started pacing around the room. Something surely had happened to Yaz if Bill was going through the trouble of calling her at this hour, right? Charlie’s mind immediately thought the worst, but she shook her head trying to dismiss the thought and went back to the conversation.

“Is everything okay? Is Yaz okay?” She asked and her voiced sounded a little more panicked than she intended to, but she didn’t care.

“Yeah, listen…” Bill sighed “I shouldn’t even be calling you but… Yaz was sent to the hospital this afternoon-“

“What?! Why?! Is she okay?! Bill what happened?!” Charlie’s brain was going a million miles a minute, she was already grabbing one of her hoodies and sweatpants ready to change and go to her friend. The cut on her hand was stinging with all the movement, but she ignored it.

Yaz had been in the hospital. Why had Yaz been in the hospital? What could have possible have gone so wrong during the two weeks they were apart for something like that to happen?

“She’s okay now, she’s home.” Bill continued “I’m staying with her, so she’s not alone. Doctor’s orders. But I just thought you should know… She misses you Charlie.”

Charlie stopped pacing in that moment. _“Yaz misses me?”_ She thought. All of this had been a mistake. These two weeks they spent apart with no communication had been a mistake. Putting an end to things without telling Yaz of her true feelings had been the biggest mistake of them all.

She couldn’t think about that now though. Right now, the only thing she wanted, was Yaz. She needed to be close to Yaz. Needed to hear her breathe, needed to feel her warmth, needed to hear her speak. Needed, more than anything, to make sure Yaz was okay.

“I’m on my way.” Was all she said to Bill before hanging up the call.

She put on the black sweatpants and blue hoodie she had pick out. The hoodie smelled a little of cigarettes, but she didn’t care. Right now, all she cared about was getting to Yaz.

She left the house and she ran. She ran like her life depended on it. She ran towards Yaz. For the first time, she wasn’t running away from things. She was running to them. Most of all, she was running towards love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another cliffhanger I KNOW OKAY
> 
> song: "i like it when you love me" from oh wonder ;)
> 
> kudos and comments always very deeply appreciated xx


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